A Brush with the Light Side
by RashAsRabadash
Summary: Join Alice, a pirate in disguise, struggling to keep her secret and stay alive on one of the Royal Navy's finest ships, captained by no other than James Pleiades Hawkins.
1. Chapter One

_This is my first shot at writing fan fiction, I hope you guys enjoy my entries. Comments and critiques welcome._

Chapter One

The wooden masts creaked as the solar sails suddenly went limp. I glanced up, cursing, then ran to the edge of the poop deck. I grasped a rope and swung myself over the rail to get a better view of our pursuers. The warship aft of us was gaining steadily, I swore violently and threw myself up into the rigging. I grabbed two fistfuls of the platinum sail fabric. Normally, light should be rippling and shooting through the octagonal pattern, but now only a dull sheen would flicker randomly across. I cursed again then turned my attention to the roaring captain.

"Alice! Get your carcass out of the rigging and into the control cabin and get the power going!"

"That's where I'm going!" I bellowed. He swore at me. I swore at him. As I slid down the rope, I could feel my gloves burn with the friction of the rope. My heavy boots hit the boards hard and I ran across the deck and dropped into the control cabin.

Lights flashed as circuits overheated and sparks flew as I worked furiously to divert all power to the thrusters. I gave up on trying to use the console and dove underneath, loosened a metal grill and started on rewiring the converter box.

There was a buzz then a terrific crash shook the ship. My head smashed into the panel above and was thrown with equal force back onto the deck. I gasped from the sharp jolt and my pounding skull. No matter how many times I got shocked I never got used to the feeling. A second later the electric hum of the ship faded. I cursed and ran over to the monitor displaying a shaky diagram of the ship. I scanned the image, looking for where we had taken the hit. I groaned and gripped the consol. Our thrusters had been blown completely off our stern by the enemy's static cannon. The ship wasn't going anywhere.

I attempted to switch our meager power back to the sails and then to the side thrusters. Nothing. I tried a few other things but the fact remained, our ship, The Dark Doubloon, was sunk.

I slammed my boot into the side of the consol, cursing this ship and my aching head. I touched my forehead lightly, wincing as I felt blood. The captain screamed my name, I should tell him what's happened before he asks.

"Coming cap'n!" I took the stairs two at a time to get to the main deck. "Our thrusters are shot! I've tried everything, we won't be going anywhere anytime soon."

The captain's angular face purpled and twisted with pent up rage. He stumped over to me, his impressive height helping with his natural intimidation. His powerful, scarred hands grabbed the collar of my embroidered waistcoat and drew me up until my feet left the deck. I clung to his wrists, trying to keep myself from being strangled. He pulled me closer, voice lowering with menace, "Now, you're going to tell me what you did wrong."

I recoiled from his foul breath, "I did the best I could, I swear! There is nothing to be done." I choked out.

His grip on my collar twisted, making it harder to breath. From the close up view I enjoyed, I could see his jaw tighten and the vain on his forehead pulse. I knew how unpredictable the captain could be and decided to play my only card.

"And if we get out of this," I rasped, "You'll need someone to reassemble the thrusters and completely reroute your circuitry. We both know I'm the only one skilled enough to do that. You need me. Alive."

I saw the fury burn in his eyes, then fade as he realized it was true. "Alive," He ground out through clenched teeth. With a quick movement, he dumped me onto the wooden deck. As I lay there gasping, he bent over me. "I never said unhurt." I glared at him as he stalked off, ordering the crew to prepare for battle.

I stood up shakily and glanced aft. The Imperial Star Galleon had their forward static cannons trained at our stern. I felt fear slowly trickling down my spine, this might not end well for me. I looked down at myself and wished I was something more than an unprotected human. Of the spacers aboard this ship, a motley crew at best, most of them are part of the Crustacean family, heavy plated and safe from most threats. My loose blouse and tawdry embroidered vest would keep me safe from minor shrapnel at best.

"Look here, you lousy lot," the captain bellowed, "The only chance we got is to make a good fight out o' this mess. I want the sails furled, and the all power diverted the the static cannons. Bring 'er around to face the bloody Star Galleon and give 'em hell fire!"

The crew gave a ragged cheer and set about their tasks. Mine was conserving and routing any power we had left. I ran back down to the control cabin, swaying slightly as the ship keeled over with the sharp pivot it was making. My hands flew over the many knobs and switches, doing the best I could with our limited power.

I heard it before I felt it. The air crackled with what could only be a statically charged cannon ball coming our way. I leaped away from the metal console and threw myself against the wooden column in the center of the cabin. The impact shook my world, jarring everything around me. Anything metal lit up with a shower of sparks. As the ship settled, I cautiously touched the console, hoping I would not get thrown across the cabin with the force of the electric charge. Nothing happened. I breathed a sigh of relief.

One interesting thing about static cannon balls, with as much damage they cause, you can harvest that energy and use it again to charge your own cannon. So, in theory, one ship could pass a charged cannon ball to the enemy ship and the enemy ship could use that static to charge their own cannon ball and shoot it right back, and so on and so forth. Which is exactly what I planned to do since we would no longer be getting solar power from our furled sails. I had to make sure that the spacer aiming the cannon would fire it at the Star Galleon's bridge. Chances are it would take out the captain but even if it didn't, it might bust their steering.

After I diverted all the power we could spare to the cannons, I ran onto the deserted gun deck. "Brigg! Be sure to fire the cannon somewhere it'll do damage, I say the bridge."

The burly gunner, Brigg, turned around, his plated skin rustling. "You know nothin' about guns, cabin girl. Stay back and let a real pirate do 'is job." He continued to stand there, drumming his dull claws on the well used cannon.

I waited for half a minute from him to fire, waiting for him to act. But I got tired of watching our enemy approach. "Why haven't you fired? They're just getting closer!"

"I'm waitin' 'till I can get a shot at their thrusters." He growled.

"That's stupid! You know that Galleons have protected thrusters! We'll have a better chance if you take out the steering or the power receivers." I disregarded his menacing glare and continued, I felt as if I was fighting for the ship's survival as well as my own skin. "We only have this one ball until we get hit again, then, and only then, can we fire again, if we aren't too badly damaged at that point to fire. You can't just fire willy nilly."

"I'll do what I need." He said as his claws left the cannon. I saw what was coming. I stumbled back but was too slow to avoid Brigg's uncharacteristic speed. His claws slammed into my face with jarring force. I gasped sharply and fell back, holding my bruised jaw.

He turned his spined back to me and watched the Galleon grow closer. I sat still, trying not to whimper as I watched in horrified fasination. In three minutes the ships were parallel, stern to aft. Brigg aimed the cannon and fired. The air crackled and I trailed the strobing missile with my eyes, watching it ricochet off of the Galleon's shielded thrusters. Brigg smashed his heavy claw into the railing, cursing his luck. I scrambled back to my control cabin before he found something or someone else to vent his spleen.

I griped the edge of the console until my knuckles turned white. I could not slow my breathing no matter how hard I tried. I jumped and nearly screamed as static muskets started to fire.

 _You are not going to get out of this one. You have cheated death one too many times._ The thoughts ran circles through my head.

 _No!_ The thought seemed too faint to grasp, but I tried. _You_ _will make it through the battle, even if the rest of the crew does not._ _If you're going to live, it means others will die._ That didn't even shift the scale. _You're_ _no hero, you come first. It's not like they would do the same for you._

And, so I set about with my betrayal. If I was to survive, I would need some way of getting out alone. I couldn't steal one of the sloops and sail away without being detected. And the ship wasn't going anywhere, and neither was the battle with the Star Galleon.

Unless...unless I took this ship out of the picture and the battle would be gone. That was an idea, but how would I make that happen? I gasped as a single brilliant idea hit me.

I blow the ship, assuming I wouldn't die myself.

But there I hit another wall. Once the ship is gone, what do I do? I knew the gravity field would disappear along with the vessel, but the oxygen sphere would remain for at least thirty minutes, if my calculations were right. If they weren't, I'd be dead. If I lived, then any Imperial crew worth their salt would search the wreckage for survivors and kill me.

"Dead!" I cursed. "Why does every possibility end with me dying?" I drove my heavy boot into the center column as I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. I pressed my bruised and bleeding forehead against the column, trying furiously to find a way around this problem. I ran as many different scenarios through my head as possible. An idea bubbled to the surface of my roiling mind. What if I blow the ship but when the crew finds my I don't look like pirate? Cocking my head, I considered it. I glanced at myself, my skin was fairly free of tattoos and other tell-tale signs of piracy. That might get me on the Galleon, but what then? I'd have to think of that part later.

Blowing the Dark Doubloon would be the easiest part. If I could get my hands on a static musket, all I would have to do is shoot the main circuit board and, voila! Bit and pieces of a pirate ship would float around the galaxy. Most of the crew would die, but I would be fairly safe, in the eye of the storm, somewhat. Both ships are close enough that their oxygen spheres touch, so I would, in theory, just float over to the Galleon. If I could keep myself from being torn apart in the explosion.

My thoughts shifted to my appearance. If I took all off my pirate regalia and was left in my dirty white blouse and dark trousers, I would pass for a normal galactic citizen. But what would a normal galactic citizen be doing on a pirate ship? I tapped my fingers on the wooden column. If I tied myself to this, it would kill two birds with one stone. Protection from the impact and it would make me look more like a captive. Less questions would be asked about a slave on a pirate ship than a passenger.

I had most of a plan worked out in my head, now I had to make it happen, fast. I crept up to the gun deck, the crew had their backs to me as the fought the enemy. Spare muskets lay in chaotic piles, which made it easy to steal one without being noticed. I ran down to my cabin and after finding some rope, I stripped all tawdry raiments from me. Earrings and bracelets came off, blonde braids undone, gun belt and weapons hit the floor. I ripped off my vest and neck tie. I threw my knives and smaller gun in a cabinet, I didn't need those flying around and hitting me when this thing blew.

My heart started pounding as I got closer and closer to blowing the ship. As I was working on exposing the motherboard, I dared to think what I would do if I got on the Galleon. Chances are good that it will stop at a port nearby to make repairs and stock up after this battle. Then all I would have to do is lie and bluff, some of my strong points, my way through until they docked at the port and go on my way, with no one the wiser. I allowed a rakish smile to creep on my face. I would win this.

With everything set, musket by my side, I sat against the column and started the difficult task of tying myself, backwards, to the column with one hand. It was tedious at best, and even more so when another static cannonball hit our fore'ard mast. Now I really have to work fast, the crew'll be expecting me to reroute the energy from the cannonball. I finished my knot, my left hand tied in with the rest of me, but my right free to fire the musket.

Just as I picked up the musket, footsteps pounded down my stairs. I froze. Brigg's voice thundered in the small cabin, "Are ye useless? Why haven't you powered up the cannon?" Brigg's eyes darted around the room, his small brain trying to decipher what was going on. That was all the time I needed. As his mouth formed the question I knew was coming, I grabbed the musket, aimed it at the motherboard and pulled the trigger.

Time seemed to slow. I saw the tiny strobing blue bullet streak towards the console as the gunner asked, "What's goin'..." He never got any further. The bullet slammed into the delicate circuit in a shower of sparks. The air grew still and pulled towards the motherboard, then, with a roar, the ship cracked. Tiny, bright blue lines spread out instantly along the walls starting at the console, becoming bigger and thicker as they surrounded larger pieces of the ship. This had all happened in less than a second. Then, with a dull whump, the ship blew apart.

One second I was in a ship, the next I was flying through cold, silent space. I gasped sharply, shocked by the temperature change. I blinked freezing tears away as I tried to clear my vision. Debris and stray bullets floated blurrily by in the gravity-less carnage. The column I was tied to had broken off at the top and bottom. The jagged edges dug into my lower back leaving my feet dangling.

A dim shadow fell across my body and I glanced up. A strangled scream clawed to escape my throat. A massive piece of the ship loomed above me, hurtling in my direction. The wires and sharp metal reinforcements jutted out, angled right at me. I squirmed and tried to move myself out of the way before I collided with the planking. I waved my arm and kicked my legs frantically at empty air, trying to deflect it even though it was above my head. I flinched as it grew closer. The silent juggernaut closed in, I could only watch as the lethal metal slid through my shirt and into my left side. I let out an agonized scream as I pushed futilely against the wood. I could feel my ribs and the metal grinding together. Gritting my teeth, I griped the bottom of the planking with my free hand, ignoring the piercing edges, and pushed myself off the rebar. I nearly passed out as I felt the metal slide sickeningly over my rib cage and out of my body.

Head swimming, I kicked off the planking and sent it floating in the opposite direction. Gently spinning toward the Galleon, I braced myself to look at the damage that had been done to my body. The wound was already covered with a steadily increasing puddle of blood traveling up and down my side. Because of the lack of gravity, the blood had nowhere to go. It looked like a dark red bubble still in contact with the rest of my body. It rippled and trembled with each heartbeat. I pressed my hand on the wound in an attempt to stop the flow of blood, dully noting the blood traveled up my wrist and forearm. My stomach lurched, I wasn't sure if it was from the lack of gravity or blood loss.

It had been about fifteen minutes, I could feel the air growing thin. It was getting colder and colder, the blood moved sluggishly around my hand as the temperature dropped even further. My vision drifted in and out of focus as I tried not to retch all over myself. I was conveniently angled off the starboard side so I could see all the goings-on aboard the Star Galleon.

The captain seemed to be having an animated conversation with his first mate. He was gesturing out at the debris and I did not miss the fact that he did not look like the usual captains. He was young and carried himself in a commanding yet reckless way. He sported a haircut that I doubted the Royal Navy sanctioned. The first mate was protesting as much as her rank would allow her. She seemed to be doing a good job of it, too. The captain's face fell for a minute, then he shook his head and said something to the first mate obviously meant to appease her but only made her even more irritated. Luckily, he ducked out of that situation and reappeared back on deck holding, what was he holding? It looked like a solar surfer, but why would he have that? My detached mind wondered, it's not your typical navel protocol to use a solar surfer to finish off pirates. I watched as he dove off the starboard side of the Galleon and kicked the solar surfer to life. He cruised around the wreckage with practiced ease.

I gasped silently for air, my thirty minutes were almost up. Darkness crept around my vision. There was no despair. It felt strange, the absence of sorrow and desperation, I felt like I was missing something. But I couldn't remember what. I had just given myself up for lost when I felt movement. I blink my chilled eyes and saw the silhouette of the captain against the lights of the ship. He was pushing me, column and all, in front of him, towards the Galleon. The closer we got, the warmer it became. Before he crossed the Galleon's gravity barrier, he cut me free of the ropes and held me firmly. I could feel him brace for gravity and my weight as he moved forward. Gravity pressed me into his arms and I felt the cold blood rush down my left arm and down the captain's clean uniform. A second later, he stepped onto the Star Galleon's pristine deck and I saw the first mate looming over me as the captain laid me on the smooth boards.

"Someone get M.E.R.! And I need something to staunch the blood!" He shouted at a crewman.

The first mate ripped off her coat and handed it to him, saying, "Here. I'll get M.E.R., Captain."

"Good. Be quick." Turning his face to me, he said in a softer tone, "What's your name?" As he waited for my reply, he pressed the coat on my side.

I writhed at his touch. I hadn't realized how numb I had been out there. "Alice." I groaned, trying to keep my mind on anything but the pain. I gasped as my vision tunneled. The last thing I remember in the commotion was the captain's voice.

"My name's Jim, Jim Hawkins."


	2. Chapter Two

_The second installment for you. Thank you for your sweet comment, Kilgharrah1._

Chapter Two

A metallic whirring stirred my slumber. I stirred and immediately regretted it. Sharp, blinding pain streaked up my side, jolting me fully conscious. Breathing hurt, but I soon found out that not breathing hurt even worse. I was still trying to regulate my harsh, choppy breathing by the time my vision came back. I squinted, trying to focus on the dark wooden beam that spanned the clean white ceiling. The strange sound that had woke me caught my attention again. I tilted my head to find the source and my world spun. It felt like my head was splitting with my vision. Two blurred images of the room floated in front of me as I choked with the pain. When the pounding in my head eased, I opened my eyes. A gleaming, sterile-looking robot was bustling about the room. It vaguely resembled a human in the aspect that it seemed to have a head, trunk and limbs, but there the resemblance stopped. Gears substituted joints and it had nothing you could call a face. Frankly, it scared me. I had no way to tell if it could see, and if it could, what had it seen?

Suddenly, I panicked. Looking at my clothes, it didn't look like I had been undressed at all, but there was no way of knowing. I was still covered in my bloody clothes, but my shoes were gone. Had the bot seen it? Had anyone else? In my planning aboard the Dark Doubloon, I hadn't anticipated on getting hurt. I had overlooked about the only piece of evidence, proving that I'm a pirate. One that would never leave me. When I joined up with the Dark Doubloon and her crew, I had been tattooed like every pirate is, if they're worth their salt. Scrawled across my left shoulder blade, bold script states I am a crew member, bound to the ship until death takes me. If that is seen, I'm done for.

The robot seemed to sense that I was awake and swiveled to face me. It remained still for a moment, then reached back and pressed a button on the bell system, a panel in every room on the ship, notifying someone of something. Then it advanced, whirring.

My breath caught in my throat. I started to whimper in protest, shaking my pounding head. Still, it advanced. I stretched out my hand, as if to ward it off. As it came on, my whimpers turned into shrieks. In an attempt to get away, I shifted on the bed I was lying on. Pain attacked my body. Now, I was not only screaming in fear but in pain as well.

The door opened with bang. I whipped my head around to see the captain and the first mate step in quickly. They took in the scene and the first mate stepped towards the bot, stopping it, while the captain came over to me, saying, in a hurried, reassuring tone, "Hey. Hey, it's ok. It's ok, it won't hurt you. You're safe here."

I was breathing heavily, looking back and forth between the captain and the bot. I shuddered with a sigh and nodded. With the adrenaline fading, the pain came back full force. I cried out and double over with the pain, only making it worse.

I felt cool hands on my shoulders, pressing me firmly back down on the bed. "Hush, you will only make it worse." The first mate said in a no-nonsense tone. I groaned, grabbing at my side, in some effort the ease the pain.

"Look at me." My gaze met her clear hazel eyes. "This is M.E.R., a Medically Engineered Robot. He is here to help you, not hurt you. You are injured. You need help, let him help you. We will be here the whole time."

There was no arguing with her. I let my hands slip away from my bloody side. M.E.R. rattled over to the bedside. The equipment that served as it hands were made up of various tools. It pulled out a pair of small scissors that cut away the ragged fabric of my blouse. For the first time I noticed there was gauze already in place. I felt a small stab of pain as a needle slid into my side. Soon after, I neither felt nor cared what the bot was doing. I groggily watched it cleanse the wound and patch my ragged skin back together.

How long this took, minutes, hours, I could not tell. I was fairly content just to exist without pain. Eventually, I started to feel movement in my injured side. The pain started to trickle back into my body. It must have shown on my face because the captain leaned over to the bot and said something I could not hear. The next thing I knew, another needle, bigger than the last, was plunged into my my arm and the world started to go dark.

I tried to fight it. I had to. If I fell unconscious and if they decided to change my clothes or wash the filth off of me, I would be found out. Desperate, I cried out, struggling just to speak, "No! Please don't drug me, please!" I thrashed out on the bed.

The captain stepped closer, saying, "It's fine, it's just something to help you sleep."

"I don't want to sleep, I can't. Please, no!"

"Nothing will hurt you while you sleep. One of us will be here when you wake up."

I had to do something, I could barely think now. "Please," I begged, "Promise me you won't do anything to me as I sleep. Keep it away from me. Promise?" I mumbled.

My vision was gone, but I think I heard him agree. I guess I'd find out when I wake if he was true to his word.

Like a loving enemy, pain was the first thing to greet me on my return to consciousness. I did note that the pain was slightly less sharp, it did not take my breath away with each movement. I opened my eyes and was pleased that my vision seemed to be back to normal. I saw the captain slumped in a chair on the far side of the room. It took me a second to realize he was asleep. He was sprawled out on a chair, his head tipped over the back of the chair. Every detail of his neck was visible. The first mate was nowhere in sight. I braced myself for the worst as I looked down at my clothes. Thankfully, they were still covered in blood. A smirk twitched my lips, I never thought I'd think that before. I studied myself as much as I could laying flat on my back. The blood on my clothes had dried and turned a dark, rust brown. How long have I been asleep?

I decided against trying to push myself up on my elbow after an attempt that left me nearly blind with tears as I tried to keep from screaming. I was just about to wake the captain, and ask him how long I've been here when a thought struck me. Once he's awake, he'll want to know who I am and why I was on a pirate ship. This might be my only time to have my thoughts to myself. I should craft my story now.

The closer I stick to the truth, the stronger the lie. So, I started with my basic past but simply changed a few things until I was painted as a victimized slave, not a treacherous pirate that I am. With my story down after lots of repetition, I needed to know how long I had been here and when I could leave.

I was about to say something wake the captain when I noticed that he seemed to be stirring on his own. Thinking fast, I closed my eyes and let my head loll to one side, feigning sleep. It would be suspicious for him to wake and just have me laying there, watching him. I heard him shift in his seat and mumble something incoherent that sounded like a curse. He groaned as he stood up, stumbling across the room. I heard liquid being poured into a cup and then he sat back down in his chair.

My eyes fluttered open with a soft groan. I glanced over at him and gasped slightly, eyes wide and startled.

I love acting.

It took him a second before it registered that I was looking at him. He set his cup on the wooden floor. He crouched, somewhat, keeping himself at my level as he raised his hands to show he meant no harm.

"You're awake." He said simply.

I couldn't tell if it was a statement or a question. Either way, I nodded.

"Do you remember me?" The way he looked at me was puzzling. His blue eyes were intense and his brow was furrowed slightly. At first I thought he was looking at me like one would look at a wild, unpredictable animal. But it wasn't quite that, it was more like he was trying to solve something.

I had to answer his question, the silence was going on too long. "You're the captain." I thought back to the first time I passed out. "Jim?"

His face softened, almost smiling. That was a good sign. I continued, "You were the one who saved me."

He smiled. "Yeah. I didn't think you were conscious."

"Barely." I half smiled and started to relaxed my position. The pain caught me off guard this time. I gasped, reaching my right arm across my body to hold my side. I gritted my teeth until my aching and bruised jaw stopped me. There was an inhuman moan ringing in my ears, I must have been the one making it.

The captain stood, his face telling me he wanted to help. "Do you want me to get M.E.R., the bot?" He clarified.

When I opened my mouth to reply, my words were strangled by an agonized cry. I shook my head, slowly regaining control of myself. "I'm fine. I'll be fine."

This didn't pacify him at all, but he sat back down anyway.

"How long have I been here like this? Asleep?"

Did he just flinch slightly?

"You've been out four days." That hit me over the head. I tried not to panic. "I stayed true to my word, even against my first mate's better judgement, no one has touched you while you were asleep and I kept the bot away, too. The first mate and I watched you around the clock." He hastily added, "But not in a creepy way!"

I smiled, as amused as I could be at this pain level. "When can I leave? You have been more than kind but I would like to leave as soon as possible. I can be out of your hair by the next time you dock."

Air hissed out of his clenched teeth. "That's the problem." He stood, rubbing the back of his neck as he did so. "I don't quite know how to say this." He stopped searching the ceiling for inspiration and looked me straight in the eyes. "This Imperial Star Galleon is on an exploration mission for the next three to six months. Her crew will be documenting what planets and lifeforms they find as well as enforcing justice in the far reaches of the Galactic Empire. There will be no safe ports until we return and I cannot, in good conscience, release you from this ship until we return to civilization." He forced an exaggerated smile, "So, in other words, welcome aboard the Crystalline Nebula, spacer!"

"What?" I choked. My plan was crashing down around my ears. I would never last three to six months trying to lie about who I am. None of this was supposed to happen, I was never supposed to get hurt. "But you have to get repairs after the battle, don't you? You'll need supplies, can't you let me off there?"

"We are completely stocked up on supplies and we did come into port. Two days ago." He looked sorry but his tone was unapologetic. It didn't suit him, this commanding air.

"Why didn't you move me to a hospital, wake me up, something?" I tried to keep my voice level but I could feel it trembling.

"Every time you started to wake, you were too distraught. You would thrash around and injure yourself more. So we would put you back under for your own safety. Your condition made you too unstable to move. If we had tried to move you, we might have made you worse or even killed you. Not to mention, that would have been breaking my word."

"I'm a prisoner." I blurted. "Again." I had enough of my thinking skills left to subtly plant part of my story. I actually surprised myself. I felt relatively no panic, my only guess it was pure survival that was keeping me this calm.

"You are not a prisoner..." He started.

"Can I leave?"

A pause. "No."

"My point."

"You are not a prisoner because you will be granted as much authority as one of our quartermasters, yet with little to no work load. No one will be above you except the first mate and myself. No one can harm you. See, not a prisoner." His face softened. "Look, I am so sorry this had to happen to you but this is the way it has to be."

"You confuse me." I said. Then I shut my eyes to sleep. I heard a short, sarcastic laugh. I waited, but he didn't seem like he was going to leave. And I realized I wouldn't be able to sleep. "Are you going to leave?"

A chuckle. "No."

"Do have more of that pain killer?"

"Yes, but I'll have to get M.E.R. to administer it."

I opened my eyes. "That will work. Is it possible for me to bathe? I feel disgusting."

"That might be possible, but I will have to call the first mate to watch you."

"No!" I blurted, "l mean, please, I prefer to bathe alone."

"I can't allow that. If you pass out again, you could drown, and I would be totally responsible."

I tried to calm myself and think. There was no way I could let anyone see my tattoo. A subtle guilt trip might work on him. "Please, I am already a prisoner on your ship. I just want some privacy, is that too much to ask?"

He shifted his weight as he considered my proposal. He rubbed his hand over his face, looked at me, then sighed. "Fine. But if you die, you can't blame me. Well… you know what I mean."

He turned away from me and activated the bot. After giving it a few commands, he drew back a curtain. Behind it, sat a burnished, metal tub. M.E.R. came at me with a yet another needle. It stung as it slid under my skin. It rattled off a few cautions for my bath, then drew away and powered down.

"Let me get you something to change into when you are done. Towels are on the bottom shelf." He left and the pain had gone, so I gently eased my way into a sitting position. A mirror hung on the opposite wall, just high enough that you could not see your reflection while lying down. Sitting, I saw stranger staring back at me. Crusted in blood, I could barely remember where all the all the bruises had come from. A large, dark mark spread across my forehead and disappeared into my hairline. Another swollen bruise spread from my right jaw to eye socket. My hair was a tangled mess and dirty even for my standards.

The captain came back in with fresh clothes and cut my mirror-watching short. He turned off the steaming water and left with a final warning about drowning. Imagine, drowning at space. Ridiculous.

As soon as the door shut, I gingerly swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood. My legs were shaking from too little use, but I managed to stumble to the door and lock it. After I secured my privacy, I walked over to the tub. The hot water had a lovely, clean scent.

I leaned against the edge and tried to cut away my shirt. The problem was trying to get my left arm out without moving too much. My once favorite shirt fell to the ground in bits and pieces. The loose pants were easier to get off.

Free of bloody clothing, I sank into the water's warm embrace. Instantly, the water turned a nasty red brown as the filth came off my body. After lightly scrubbing, I drained the water because it was so disgusting. While the clean water was filling back up, I painstakingly started to brush out the tangles in my hair. Then I washed it out again and called it good. I rubbed the bar of soap over my skin and just sat enjoying the water until it grew cool.

The towels felt nice and my appearance looked a little less startling now that I was clean. The clothes they had given me were clean cut and starched. The dark grey pants were tighter than I was accustomed to, but had a considerable amount of give. They were a bit on the long side, but other than that, they fit well. The white shirt torso was tight and constricting, but the full sleeves were loose and flowy. It paired well with the navy blue waistcoat that was edged with a pale yellow cord, it had a elegant, stately look about it. I hated it.

I wanted to twist my hair on top of my head to keep it out of my face, but the pain medication was wearing off and I was exhausted. I resigned myself to a wet braid on my shoulder. As I went to rest on the chair, I noticed my old boots sitting in the corner. I grabbed them and started to pull them on but realized how telling they would be. I reached my hand into the well-worn leather and pulled out the small dagger that never leaves my person. I shoved my feet into the stiff, glossy black boots and slipped the knife on the right side of my left leg. Now I felt complete.

I had just tossed my beloved boots on the pile of my clothing waiting to be burned, when there was a knock on the door. Holding my aching side, I walked over to the door. "Who is it?" I asked wearily.

"Emmeline Brent, first mate. I've come to see if you have finished." The clear voiced rapped out.

I slid the bolt back and opened the door with my left hand, my right still holding my side. I saw her do a visible double take. Her hazel eyes swept me up and down and returned to my face. "I see that you are finished. Allow me to take you to a proper cabin. Is there anything that you would like to take with you?"

 _You have to make a good impression_ , I thought over and over again. "No, thank you. I don't exactly own anything anymore, not even the clothes on my back. I can't thank you and your captain enough." I added a tentative smile for effect.

She nodded and her short bob swayed slightly. She lead me down the corridor to a small room. As she walked, I noticed that she was shorter than me, that might be useful if it ever comes to blows between us. But as long as I don't break my cover, it shouldn't come to that. "That door at the end is the captain's and mine is directly across from yours. These other doors are the various quartermaster's chambers. The rest of the crew bunks down below. You do know your way around a ship, right?"

"Seeing as I was held captive on several ships throughout my life, yeah, I think I know my way around." I had been looking up and down the hall until the last part, then I looked her in the eyes. No emotion had colored those words, I wanted to see how she took them.

Here I realized one of the differences between pirate officials and upstanding naval commanders. One rises through the ranks because their emotion knows no limits and the other because they learn to hide it so well. The only response she gave was a slight dip of her head.

Suddenly, a wave of pain flooded my senses. I felt the color drain from my face. My hand frantically felt for the wall behind me in case I blacked out. The first mate opened my door and grabbed my elbow, supporting me. She lead me to the narrow bed and apologized for keeping me up too long. With that, her hard leather boots receded down the hall.

I bit my lip as I leaned against the pillows, staring at my new ceiling. I would have to watch my step with that one.


	3. Chapter Three

_This is probably the last chapter I'll be able to post for awhile. I have been recently inspired by the amazing "Hiding in Plain Sight" by Romany Chic. Literally so good._

 _Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Treasure Planet but everything else is my own creativity._

Chapter Three

The days passed slowly. I loathed sitting in my bed waiting for my lie to be found out. If I could move, I would at least be able to run from harm, but the pain was still too intense. To bide the time, I rehearsed my story until it was almost the only thing I remembered. I even practiced it out of order to strengthen my lie. Between painful naps and cold meals, I was getting sick of this fitful routine. I walked laps around the cabin until the pain threatened to knock me out. Unfortunately, I had been switched to a mild pain killer as soon as I had been moved. I longed for relief.

As I heard the hard clip of the first mate's shoes, I hurriedly did a once over of my appearance, double checking that my tattoo was covered. After a brief knock, Brent burst into the room with M.E.R. trailing behind. I slid over to the side of the bed and unbuttoned my waistcoat like I had every twelve hours for the last four days. The vital scan was over quickly and M.E.R. rattled off the stats to the first mate.

"Well, you have been improving more for the last two days. By now, you should be in shape enough to earn your keep. You will start your tasks after mess in an hour. Be in correct uniform," With a sharp glance at my rolled up shirt sleeves, she added, "Please."

"Sure," I muttered.

"What?" Her question cut through the air like a shard of glass.

I straightened and looking past her, rapped out a crisp, "Yes, ma'am." The words brought back a bitter taste, bringing terrible memories crashing back into my mind.

Brent was gone and I was left with my thoughts. The tone that I had used to address the first mate comes naturally now, but that type of forced, undeserving respect had been beaten into me, quite literally. I remembered the searing pain as my old captain would beat me until I "addressed him proper." I shrugged it off.

I pulled down my sleeves and pulled on the matching dark blue jacket with the same pale yellow accents. I noticed that jacket had some kind ranking sewn onto the left side of the chest. I didn't know what rank it displayed exactly, but I thought it was of some importance.

It was time for the morning meal. I painfully braided my hair and stepped out of my cabin. Truth be told, I didn't really know where I was going, I just started moving down the hall then found my way out onto the main deck. I made my way for'ard, treading in between various spacers that all were taken aback by my presence slightly. I would be confused too. They probably thought I had died or had left the ship at the last port.

Without looking any of them in the eye, I slipped into the mess hall. To call it a hall is quite misleading. The cabin itself would feel large had it not been packed with long tables surrounded with benches. The low ceilings with their swinging iron lanterns only added to the cramped feeling. If I had had my way, I would have merged into the end of the mess line, but I was spotted before I could do so.

"Alice!" My head jerked towards the sound and I saw the young captain waving his arm above him where he sat. As I walked to his table at the front of the cabin, the spacers parted like the stratosphere on the bow of a ship while landing. It made me feel noticed. On a pirate ship, if you're noticed, you're more likely than not to get a beating.

I stopped in front of him in rigid attention. "Sir." I said with a crisp salute, the motion making my side ache.

"At ease," he said with a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "Alice, I'd like to introduce you to your fellow quartermasters, Hadrianus," Before he could continue, a girl, who could scarcely be more than eighteen years old, stood and stretched her hand across the table.

"Call me Adri, it's good to have another girl on the force," she said with a dimpled smile. "To keep the boys in check." With a cheeky wink directed at the captain, she sat down again and resumed her meal.

"If you'll allow me to continue, that is Mariano," a young man at the end of the table flashed a casual smile that stood out strikingly in comparison to his dark skin as he rose and made his way back to the mess line. "And that one is Owen and last but not least, good old Blamey." He said with a hearty slap on the shoulder of the spacer sitting next to him.

"I'm nought tha' old, jes oldar than ye, ye liddle swab." The highland accent rumbled and rattled out of the massive spacer. He wagged a purp in one of his gray tentacles at the captain, as he chuckled.

The only other unknown member at the table must be Owen, even though he didn't acknowledge his name. He was slender and he must be a Felid because every aspect of him made me think of a cat, from his pointed ears to his deft, fluid movements.

The captain had a satisfied look on his face as he finished, he was obviously very proud of his crew. He gestured for me to take a seat in between Brent and Adri. Brent had remain silent this whole time, she sat at the captain's right hand, a place of importance and I didn't get the feeling that she was happy with me sitting next to her.

I started as an arm swung over me, setting a plate of steaming food in front of me. Mariano shot a dazzling smile at me as he said in a smooth voice, "For you, welcome aboard." He winked then strode out of the cabin with a long, swaggering gait.

I could only respond with surprised blinks.

Adri giggled in my ear. "Ignore him! He gets so bored, he starts flirting with everyone on long expeditions. Even the cook on bad days." With another giggle she pointed out the cook to me with a tanned, freckled hand. Let's just say from observation, the cook had the disposition of a volcano with a face that only a mother could love. I let a grin creep onto my face.

"Mariano's harmless!" She cried, with a playful elbow jab at my side. A playful elbow jab at my injured side.

I choked on a scream and mashed potatoes. My right hand dropped my fork and grabbed my ribs, while my other fist slammed into the underside of the table. Adri gasped and froze, not knowing what was wrong or how to help. In my darkening peripheral vision, I saw the captain jerk out of his seat.

I shook my head with a sharp inhale that hurt almost as much as her elbow connecting with my injury. "I'm fine, I'm fine!" I choked out. "I don't need any help." I forced myself to let go of my side and sit up despite my tunneling vision.

I heard everyone settle back down and the captain said, "I don't think you're quite fully able to start tasks today. We'll have Blamey show you your duties and then let you rest."

Adri murmured an apology and left the cabin quickly with Owen gliding at her side. Brent took one sidelong glance at me, then clipped out of the cabin, as well. The captain rose and offered me a hand, after seeing that I wasn't eating anymore.

I took it gratefully and as I stood, he said, "Duty calls, I have to go." His blue eyes were on the edge of pity. I hated it. "But, I leave you in good hands, er, tentacles. Blamey, I leave you in command." He slipped his hand out of mine and left me facing the massive spacer.

Old habits die hard. I felt the urge to shrink and make myself seem like less of a threat like I used to do while on my old ship. _But I am not a pirate_ , I tell myself, _a newly liberated slave wouldn't cringe while facing her saviors_. I forced a neutral expression on my face as I tilted my head upwards to meet Blamey's eyes. And I'm glad I did. They were full of such warmth and the mischievous twinkle instantly made me feel at ease.

"C'mon lass, I'll show ye the ropes." He chuckled at his own joke. Then, with a tentacle brushing between my shoulder blades, he lead me out of the mess hall. My duties seemed to cover supervising the mizzenmast, or the farthest mast from the front of the ship, and the crew responsible for keeping it in top shape. Mainly double checking that knots were tied correctly and the solar sail were furled when necessary. Basics.

"That all seems doable, sir. Anything else?" I asked.

Blamey rubbed the back of his thick neck, looking up at the rigging for any instructions he might have missed. "Weel, I can't say I know what it's like t' be a slave, but do ye have anythin' yer really good at? Like, I d'know, cookin' or navigatin' or somethin'?"

"I can find my way around a control cabin fairly well. Would that help at all?" I asked.

"It might, it might. The control cabin is Mariano's liddle kingdom, but it'd be useful t' have ye in case somethin' happened t' him. C'mon, it's just down here." I followed him down the gently spiralling stairs into the control cabin.

As soon as I set foot in the small cabin I was immediately drawn to the main panel. I had never seen tech like this. The consol was shiny and clean, all of the screens and buttons were intact and gleaming. But was more impressive was what I had always called "the flow". Flow is how understandable all the complex parts of the ship are and how to manipulate them based on the consoles. Things were neatly labeled and it was clear from the various screens and diagrams which lever or button did which task.

All of the two control cabins I had been in and the one that I had worked in for most of my life, they had been dark, dingy little holes in the belly of the ship with three to four panels to suffice for the entirety of the vessel. But this one was well lit and had, at least, seven distinct consoles, each one for a different part of the Nebula.

"Impressive, isn't it?"

I tore my eyes away from the consol looked at the speaker. Mariano was leaning against the far side of the control cabin wearing another one of his dazzling white smiles. His dark eyes danced on mine. I wondered what he was thinking.

Looking down, I tried furiously to think of how my character, a slave, would act. On my old ship, I was in control, I would pursue someone until I got what I wanted. Mariano was someone I could see myself wanting, especially after what Adri had said about him flirting with everyone. I tend to like those who move on quickly, that usually means less problems and regret later. I decided the best act would be embarrassment. I forced my cheeks to flush and shifted my weight away from him.

As I hoped, Blamey grunted and marched in between the two of us, saying, "The lass said she was good at runnin' these thin's. Why don't you focus on that," He poked at Mariano's chest to emphasize his point. "An' see if the lass is any good. I'll be back, I have t' speak weth the cap'n."

Blamey stumped back up the stairs, leaving us alone. This was going to be difficult.

Mariano pulled himself off the wall, sauntering in my direction. "So, you know way around the control cabin?"

I had forgotten how smooth his voice was. I quickly turned away so he couldn't see my reaction. Slowing down my breathing, I walked up to one of the various panels and let my hand drift over the controls. I tried to focus on each one of the knobs and levers, struggling to stay in character.

"I've seen a few, none as nice as these." That was true. I figured the best way to be believable is to tell as much of the truth as possible.

I felt him close to me. "I'd be willing to show you around." His fingertips brushed across my back to rest on my left shoulder.

I froze. Does _he know? Does he know that the only thing that could give me away was right beneath his fingertips?_ I rolled my ankle until I could feel the reassuring pressure of my knife. At least I could kill him if it gets worse. _No! What am I thinking? This is your shot at survival, don't blow this. Don't blow this. Don't blow this, or it could blow you, Alice._

I shrugged his hand off my body. "I know how a spatial capacitor works." I looked up at his face trying to erase the slightly haunted expression that I couldn't shake. "Unless the Empire uses something different. I can't remember the last time I was on a ship the wasn't burned out and pieced back together."

Mariano looked down at me through his thick eyelashes. Something flickered in his eyes and his face changed from the sauve, flirty smile to a more neutral expression. I think it might have been pity. Good.

"Well, everything here is state of the arc and in prime condition. Probably a lot better than any of the pirate junk you've worked with. Now, over here are the main diagrams you'll need to monitor the ship." Mariano went on explained each one of the parts of the panels.

I stayed quiet, listening to it all. I knew most of what he was saying but said nothing. The last thing I wanted to do was tip my hand. There were a few differences from the panels I knew, but I wouldn't forget them. I only had to hear things once to remember them, a skill I picked up early on because I learned as a child, the less you forget things, the less you get beat.

"Make sense? If you need to ask questions, I'm always here." A frown passed over his perfect face for barely a second. "Look, I want to apologize about how I acted before. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but we never have guests. Certainly none as pretty as you." He said with the smoothness creeping back into his voice. I saw him shake it off again.

"Pretty? How can you tell with all the bruises?" I asked with a frown. I think that was the first time someone had given me a compliment in a sweet manor versus having words hurled at me by dirty, cowards of men.

Mariano blinked, unused to having his comments questioned. "Bone structure." He said rather matter of factly. "And if one side of your face looks so gorgeous, the other half probably does, too."

His lips curled into an awkward grin. He stepped back, rubbing an arm. I'd made him feel uncomfortable, he doesn't feel that way very often, I guessed. Good, he's not immune.

I swayed slightly, my head had been pounding since lunch but I'd had more pressing matters. "I think I'll retire to my cabin, unless you have more to show me."

"No, go. Get some rest." Mariano herded me to the staircase, eager to be rid of me. He obviously didn't like the way I made him feel.

I came out onto the deck, taking a moment to gaze at the milky, purple cloud of space vapor. To an observer, it hopefully looked like I was appreciating the beauty as a free man, but in reality, I was running every little thing that I said to Mariano in my mind, searching for any slip ups. I took a breath and strolled over to Blamey.

"All finished, sir. Do you need me for anything else?" I asked, adding some shallow breathing and pinching the bridge of my nose for emphasis.

Blamey turned from yelling at a hapless spacer in the rigging to look at me. He had a soft heart and showed his emotions, I almost felt bad about leading him on. Almost.

"Ah, o'course lass. Get yerself t' yer bunk and sleep a wink b'fore supper." He said as he patted my shoulder gently.

"Are you sure? I don't want to be dead weight anymore." I scuffed the deck with my boot.

"Tsk, jess go. I'll see ya in a wee bit." He winked.

I slipped off as he started to roar at the spacer again. I made my way aft to the cabins, humming an old pirate shanty under my breath. I was feeling quite proud of my performance, as far as I could tell, I haven't made any mistakes, yet. I ran the word 'yet' around my mind a few more time as a mental warning.

I had nearly made it to my cabin when I crossed paths with the first mate. I stood at attention, bobbing my head as she passed.

"Ma'am."

She halted, I felt her eyes flick over me. "Spacer. What are you doing?"

"I was dismissed from duty, ma'am."

An eyebrow raise. "On account of?"

I was seething inside but I smothered it. "On account of my tasks being finished." I looked her in the eye for that part. "Ma'am."

She held my eyes with an unwavering expression. "Well," she said slowly. "On your way, spacer."

"Ma'am."

I waited until she had left the hall. I let out my pent up breath and practically fled to my cabin. That was a close one.


	4. Chapter Four

_Hello again, this chapter got really long so I'm splitting it in two. Here's the first part, chapter five should be coming soon. Hope you enjoy!_

Chapter Four

I bolted upright. How long had I been sleeping? Looking out the window didn't help, it was always a perpetual dusk. Praying that I hadn't missed supper, I stuffed my shirt back into my trousers. Still groggy, I pulled my hair back and had it half tied before my side screamed in protest. I grunted but continued to rush, shoving my feet into my stiff boots. I was slipping my knife into my boot when I stumbled out of my cabin into another person.

I had been doubled over with my boot so my head connected solidly into someone's chest. We both crashed to the ground in the narrow hallway, legs and jackets tangled.

I must have hit my head pretty hard because I could have sworn I saw a little pink explosion when we hit. I shook my head to clear my vision and opened my eyes.

I froze in horror. I just collided with the captain of the ship. Apologies started pouring out of my mouth, I wasn't even sure if they made sense. He just sat there rubbing the spot his chest and looking sternly not at me, surprisingly, but at something above my head.

I broke off and looked up. Nothing could have prepared me. What I saw above my head was a tiny version of, well, me. Complete with bruises and rumpled clothing, the little thing was hopping back and forth through the air making tiny, mocking apologies in its tiny little voice.

I gasped and pressed my hand to my forehead while shrinking closer to the floor if that was possible. I must be dying. I've had concussions before but I never saw things like this.

"Morph!" The captain said sharply but he couldn't quite suppress a chuckle. "Leave the poor girl alone, she's been through enough without you scaring her."

My face, well, not my face but the little version of it fell into the most sympathetic and mournful expression I'd ever seen. Large tears rolled down its cheek until the creature was crying so hard it seemed to melt into a squishy pink blob with two eyes brimming with tears. The little thing continued to wail until the captain's stern glare dissolved and he beckoned.

"Oh, alright. Come here." He said, softer this time. The blob giggled and chirupped with happiness, all tears forgotten. It zoomed over and snuggled against his cheek.

The captain stroked it for a second then pushed the creature away. "Alice, this is Morph. Morph, this is Alice, the girl you nearly scared to death."

I meant to say hello but all that came out was another strangled gasp. I'd never seen anything like this moody, shape shifting blob before.

"Now," the captain continued. "Shake her hand like a real introduction." He prodding Morph in my direction.

I tentatively stuck out my hand, not sure what to expect. Morph floated over and I was no longer looking a squishy pink object but a gloved hand hovering where Morph used to be. I shook it. It was one of the strangest feelings. Then the hand shrunk back into the playful blob that found a way to snuggle under my chin. I couldn't help from laughing he was so ticklish.

"Sorry about him, he's a rouge. Let me help you up." A few seconds of awkward scrambling. "Did I hurt you when I ran into you?"

I shook my head not wanting to rehash the incident. "I should be sorry, Captain."

"Jim."

"What?"

"Call me Jim. Captain seems so formal, I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

I looked at him quizzically, still not sure what was proper.

"To be honest, this is only my second voyage as captain. I only got out of the academy a year ago. But anyway," he said, starting to walk down the hall. I followed. "I'm still not used to all the titles and formality."

"The academy?" I asked.

"The Interstellar Academy, y'know, to join the Navy." He looked at me with that weird, searching gaze.

I shook my head again. I'd never heard of it, I wondered if in another life I would have attended. Probably not, I don't think I would ever have the funds, even in another life.

"Oh, well it's just a fancy school to prepare you for a life in the Navy. It's not a school I would've picked, but a family friend pulled a few strings. It wasn't really my thing, but I got out with decent grades because of some previous experience and started straight away. I've been working my way up every since."

"And now you're at the top. What kind of things did they teach you?" I asked.

"I don't know. I don't remember hardly any of it. But math. Lots of math." He shuddered.

"I never learned math." I blurted.

It hit me, I felt like throwing up. I hadn't thought about what I was saying at all. This could blow up in my face. _Please don't ask any questions! Please,_ I begged mentally.

He glanced at me, thinking. "Well, you're not missing much!" He laughed. "C'mon, mess has probably started."

I really tried to turn my enormous sigh of relief in to some sort of laugh. It worked, ish. _Why had I slipped like that? You must be on guard, no matter how comfortable you feel._

We joined the crowd in the cramped mess hall. As we merged into the line, I didn't miss the fact that he held back to let me get my food first. He was kind, it had been a long time since I had met a truly kind person.

Morph whizzed around our heads, stealing food from one and all. I couldn't take my eyes off him during supper. His jiggly body was almost transparent when he wasn't impersonating something. Plus, his little chuckle brightened my day. I couldn't help but smile.

Adri noticed, "I see you've met Morph. That rascal. You know during the last battle, I set my musket down to fasten a loose bolt on the stern cannon and when I went to pick it back up again it wouldn't fire. Because that swab decided it would be fun to risk my life. Luckily, it didn't matter because the ship blew a few seconds later. But still, I blame you, Jim. If it wasn't for your-"

"You will address him properly, spacer. He is your captain, not an academy chum." Brent cut in sharply.

"Well, technically we were at the academy together for a month…" Adri trailed off and the twinkle disappeared from her eyes. "Yes, Ma'am. Sorry, Captain."

I watched Adri's face harden and she focused on shoving her peas around her plate with unnecessary force.

Jim sighed and shifted in his seat, slouching. "We've gone over this, Emma. I am fine dropping these stiff terms. Let it be. Next voyage with a different captain, be my guest."

Brent stiffened, if it was even possible to sit straighter. "I'm sorry, sir. But I would still like to be addressed by my last name or title, like I was trained."

She rose and took her plate back to the cook and left the hall, turning curious heads.

Jim frowned and rubbed a hand over his face. The other quartermasters continued eating after a bit which eased some of the tension.

I really did not know what to do next. I supposed the logical step would be to eat my dinner but something felt off. Then I knew. I was waiting for a fight to break out, either in blows or words. You never would have heard an exchange like that on board one of my old ships. And there was no way Brent could have walked out of a situation like that without at least a hard slap across her face. To defy a captain repeatedly, unheard of. Because whoever did so was most likely dead.

Jim's sigh brought me back. "Don't mind her." He said to me. "Most of our, our… conflicts stem from the fact that she should really be leading this mission. I don't blame her for being bitter. Emmeline was all set and primed to captain this ship before I came into the picture. The only reason I got the position was because I'd captained before. But really, she's the perfect example of a naval officer."

"You don't seem so bad." _Why are you comforting him?_ "If it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be floating out there." _Then again, if he weren't in command, are ships might never had crossed, I might have been contently living my life as a pirate._ "I'm sure your superiors knew what they were doing." _What the hell are you doing, Alice!_

His face twitched with a small smile. He pushed himself upright, rubbing his face again. He did that a lot when he was upset. "Ah, enough about me."

I froze. _Don't ask me about my life, I'm not prepared with my story! No, you're fine, Alice. Calm down. Breath._

"Honestly, how has Navy life been treating you?" He asked lightly, clearly not caring about my past as he tucked into some sort of savory pie.

"Very well. I've no reason to complain. Except for not being able to leave, I've been treated better here than I have for a long time." True.

"Good, that means we've been doing our jobs well. Sometimes you need an outside opinion." He winked. His eyes went from my face to my plate. "Is the food not your style? I might, and I use the word 'might' very loosely," he jokingly warned. "I might be able to get the cook to make you something else."

I flushed, not even noticing I hadn't eaten. I didn't even know why. I rushed out of my room with every intention to stuff all food in sight in my mouth and now I had no appetite. "Oh, no. The food is a lot better than I've gotten used to. Morph must have startled me so much I forgot. Where did he come from? Has he been here the whole time I've been on board?"

The young captain's face lit up at the mention of his strange pet. "That critter wriggled his way into my life about three years ago, now. My friend left him to me when we parted ways, I guess Morph took a shine to me. Anyhow, I've been looking after him ever since. Hold on." He stood suddenly, "Morph! Leave the coxswain alone! I can guarantee he doesn't like you hiding in his ears."

The pink blob ceased his giggling and peeked out tentatively from the coxsain's large, canid ear. Morph blinked owlishly, as if he was trying to understand why anyone would not want him residing in their ears. With a whoosh, he zipped out and made for the galley, there were lots of thing to imitate in there.

"Morph!" Jim bellowed. He pointed at the table, making it painstakingly clear what he meant. I watched as Morph swiveled back around and slowly floated back to our table. The crew resumed their meal yet again, caring little about the pink pest.

Jim held out his hand and the blob settled on it and with a glare, turned into a puddle of water. The captain made no attempt to stem the flow as water splashed all over.

I gasped as water flowed over my plate. I just made it off the bench before it poured onto the place I had been sitting.

"Morph, cut it out." He chided, annoyance coloring his tone.

And just like that, the water turned pink and snapped back into the shapeless shape of Morph. Jim pulled open a pocket inside his jacket and the grumpy thing grumbled and threw itself in. We could still hear the chuntering as we sat back down.

"Anyway, this is where he usually can be found if he's not making mischief." He said with a flicking the pocket. A tiny squeal of shock came from his chest. "Look, I'm sorry, ok? Maybe if you had listened the first time, we wouldn't be here."

I tried not to laugh at the young man talking with his head stuck inside his jacket, negotiating with an angry shapeshifter. They talked back and forth for another minute before they seemed to have resolved their tiff and the captain resumed our conversational if none of that fiasco had occurred.

"Your food should be fine, by the way. No one has gotten sick from Morph rolling over their food before and I should know. He does it often." I believed him.

"It's fine, I wasn't going to eat it anyway. I'll be fine with just water. I'd there anything for me to do tonight? I slept longer than I meant this afternoon."

"No, you have the evening off." He said as he started clearing our dishes.

"I should being doing that, sir!" I cried, trying to slip them out of his hands. They didn't budge.

"You know, I may have taken you up on that but you called me 'sir.' As punishment, I'll take them." He shot me a mock serious frown and wrest the plates out of my grip surprisingly easily. I sat down hard in confusion as he crossed the mess hall.

Adri and Owen must have been watching me because laughter erupted from their direction. "It's been a while since someone's done you a favor, huh?" Adri giggled.

A snicker very similar to a purr slipped out of Owen. "No, he's not a normal captain."

I fumbled for a response. I knew I must still look stupid. This only brought more laughter. Annoyed and still confused, I swung off the bench.

I breathed in the cool air out on the deck. I knew it wasn't new air, it was simply being reprocessed and pumped back out again but it felt like a fresh breeze. I stood just outside of the light streaming out of the still noisy mess hall. I had no responsibilities weighing me down, so I wandered back over the deck back to my room.

I shrugged off the stiff jacket and waistcoat. My mind was still turning, not really sure why the captain, Jim, I corrected myself, had just served me, who he thought was a former slave and completed newcomer. Favors were a foreign concept on my old ship. Even before I had been sucked into that life, things were rarely handed to me. I had been stroking my side absentmindedly and now winced as I hit a tender spot, pulling me back to the present.

I pushed the matter out of my mind as an anomaly and slipped out of my clothes.

Alarm bells suddenly clanged inside my mind. It took less than half a second for me to cross my cabin and slam the bolt home on my door. _Stupid mistake, Alice! You could have blown this whole thing wide open, standing there with your tattoo in the open!_ I sagged against the door and dragged my wrist over my forehead in frustration and relief.

I flicked off the lantern and pushed off the door harder than I should have and threw the loose nightshirt over my head. I tossed the blankets back and took my hair down. I landed face first in the pillow. My first day out with the crew and I felt like I had walked the line between safety and complete stupidity. I groaned into the pillow and curled up, thinking if I became smaller, my problems would too.

I woke as a gust of solar wind shook the ship's hull in the night. I rolled over in search of more sleep, but the nap I had taken earlier made it hard to find. I tossed and turned some more and finally sat up. I glared out the porthole sleepily. Maybe if I moved around I would sleep better. I paced around my cabin counting the steps. Seven long strides was the length of my prison.

I thumped my head against the cold glass of my window but stopped when I remembered the bruise still on my forehead. Frustration was not helping me tire out. Huffing, I shoved my legs into a pair of trousers and stuffing the front of the long nightshirt in. I slipped out of my room without shoes for a few reasons, none of them very rational at this time of night.

The cool air felt nice through the thin shirt, goosebumps raced down my arms and legs. I padded out to the port side railing. None of the spacers on watch saw or cared about my presence on the dim ship's deck. I enjoyed the quiet hum of the ship powered down for the night. Lanterns were softer and the air crisper and the surrounding galaxies shone brighter. I stood there for a minute, feeling the smooth planks under my feet.

A flap of a sail caught my attention and I looked up. I hadn't noticed the crows nest before. It surprised me, most modern, streamline ships had abandoned the unnecessary platform for greater speed and less risk of losing a spacer to some unforeseen obstacle during reentry. The Dark Doubloon had had a crows nest. It had always been my spot for thinking.

I glanced around and took to the rigging. No one else occupied the nest so I wouldn't be noticed. I plucked my way up quickly. _The Nebula is much taller than the Doubloon,_ I thought as I climbed higher. It didn't matter, the more height the better. The best way I've found to avoid someone is to climb higher than they're willing to go.

I swung over the railing and landed softly on the small platform. I wrapped my arms around the mast at the center and leaned against it. The snapping of the solar sails narrated my thoughts as I lost myself in the black void.

I almost had trouble believing the insane events that had taken place. It didn't bother me too much that I now had the blood of an entire ship on my hands. They just join the rest of my mental tick marks. What bugged me more was this constant care of where I put my feet and what I said to who. It was exhausting. I've never had to analyze my movements so carefully before. I had gotten used to acting however I liked and suffering the repercussions, but here was a whole different story. A misstep on my old ship might have resulted in a beating or a flogging but normally just a good cussing out. Here, it would result in death, or if I was incredibly lucky, a lifetime of hard labor. But probably death.

Why did everything come back to death in my life? Was it simply because I had chosen the wrong life or would it have been like that no matter how I acted? It wasn't even my death that loomed over me wherever I went, but friends from long, long ago and some of my more memorable victims and crew members.

I scrubbed at my eyes and set my back against the mast and carefully slid to the ground. I took a deep breath to clear my mind of all the thoughts vying for my attention and closed my eyes. _When is this blasted side wound going to heal?_

The bell clanged for the change of position and startled me awake. I let out a stream of curses I think any spacer would be proud of as I realized what I'd done. My body ached in protest as rolled onto all fours. I really needed to get back before people asked questions about why I was sleeping I the crows nest and especially before anyone tried to help me get up. I was sick of this kindness, it had always been false in the past and it always will be. With another string of colorful curses and a fist slammed into the planks, I pushed myself up. I plucked my way down the rigging as quickly as I could and padded back into my room.

And just in time, apparently. I had just slid the bolt home and slipped off my thoroughly wrinkled pants when I door click open. My first thought was that it must be Brent, she somehow heard me and now is coming to talk. But the door shut again and instead of the sharp, precise footsteps of the first mate, heavy feet thumped on the floor. Bang! A body ran into the wall. A sharp curse followed and then more muffled steps.

The captain. I didn't really realize I was smiling. I remembered witnessing him waking up that first day I had been conscious. It was amusing then and now. I assumed he was the sleeping in type because of that, maybe his duties didn't allow him the luxury of sleep.

I, on the other hand, could afford that luxury and wrapped myself in the fuzzy blankets and drifted off.


	5. Chapter Five

_Here it is, it's a bit longer than normal but I know you guys can handle it. T.T.F.N., ta ta for now!_

Chapter Five

The usual mess hall clatter was currently being drowned out by the cook. I ducked as a ladleful of vegetable mash hit the wall to my right. I settled back down with my food to enjoy the chaos coming from the galley.

The volcano-like cook and Blamey were duking it out in the galley with Jim playing referee in the middle. I grasped that it had started with an offhand comment about the food from the quartermaster and cook came in full force. The sight was really comical. The two massive spacers almost had their heads together in rage as curses and sharp comments flew. Jim was slowly being squeezed between them. Originally, Jim had intervened with a hand on each spacer's chest, keeping them a safe distance apart. But in their hot headed debate, the two mountains of men couldn't have cared less about the puny captain in between.

I laughed wholeheartedly as Jim fought his way out from the crushing bodies. He looked like a cat that realized it had tried to fit through too small of a gap. He made his way back to out table and plopped down next to me. Brent must be eating earlier because I hadn't seen much of her in the last few days.

"I barely made it out of there with my life!" He cried, mopping his brow.

"Giving up on stopping them?" I laughed.

"Yeah, I know both men. They have tempers like explosives but it won't come to blows." He said with confidence.

Just as the words slipped out of his mouth, as terrific crash came the galley. My head whipped around to see the men rolling on the floor, limbs locked together. I was just turning back to make a snarky comeback but Jim was nowhere to be found. I looked back to the fight just in time to see Jim leap off the closest table and land hard in the middle of the fray.

"Hey! Cut it out! Cut it out!" Jim bellowed, trying to stop the punches and taking a few. "I _will_ hold you both in the brig!"

That stopped them mid swing. Even I knew how small the holding cells were and it would not be pretty for the massive spacers. The picked themselves up and dusted their uniforms off, avoiding the captain. Jim pulled on his shirt in an attempt to straighten the wrinkles.

"Would you look at what you've done? This was my last clean shirt." He sighed. "The Navy's reputation is based on the behavior of its spacers. I'm disappointed. Anger has its place, so does violence at times. But I don't want to see you act out of anger again. Any of you." He finished with a stern look at the rest of the crew.

"Both if you will clean up the galley and then take yourselves up to the sick bay."

Another outburst. "Ye can't be serious!"

"Don't you dare put this filthy creature in my galley! I won't have it!"

His face hardened. "Yes, you will. Am I understood? I will not take anymore of this insubordination."

The fire died in their eyes. The burly spacers agreed and started on their tasks, murmuring apologies.

Now I see why he is captain. Although he's comfortable and relaxed with his crew, he does put his foot down. He's fair, too, if not a little haphazard in his methods.

He strode over and slouched across from me for a second time. My gaze was drawn to the bruises slowly forming on his face. One had landed squarely on his cheekbone and another lump was forming above his heavy brow. Blood oozed down into his dark eyebrow, he brushed at it in irritation. I noted the skinned knuckles.

He started to eat his now cold dinner. I was mildly impressed by the fact that he wasn't running off to the sick bay. He's probably weathered tougher fights before. But his cuts didn't look good.

I was just about to move on when I realized my character probably shouldn't be as calloused to injuries as I am. I never mentioned wounds to anyone for a few reasons. I didn't want to get my head snapped off. It wasn't worth my time or energy. And if they were above me in rank, if they got infected and died it would only help me.

But it wouldn't help Slave Alice. If something happened to Jim at this point, Brent would take over and then I really wouldn't be safe.

"We match now, you know." I said, tapping his plate to get his attention.

"Huh?" He look up with utter confusion written across his face. But his scowl had disappeared so I continued.

"Our faces." I gestured to our bruises.

"Oh, yeah. You're kinda right. At least yours are fading." He absentmindedly brushed his fingertips over his bruises while he was talking.

I took a breath to steady myself and reached out and caught his hand. I ignored his startled expression and pulled it closer to me to inspect his hand. I tried not to notice how muscular it was as I poked the scrape lightly. I blanched as more blood started to flow. I pressed my napkin to his knuckles with a sheepish smile.

"These, uh, these don't look too good. And it's not because of me!" I added to my awkward statement.

He chuckled and pulled his hand away, still pressing on my napkin. "It's fine, I've had worse."

"I'm sure you have but you never know what got in there from the galley. You don't want to lose the hand and become a cyborg, do you?"

"I don't know, I had an old friend who was a cyborg, he seemed to get along just fine." He glanced down at his plate as a drop of blood splattered on the edge.

"Your face should be looked at, too. By the bot, I mean." I was not good at this whole caring business. I felt myself blush furiously and looked away.

I heard him laugh underneath his breath and looked back as he dabbed at his eyebrow. "Maybe you're right. It's not like I can finish this." He nodded to his plate.

This time I snatched the plate away from him and cleared the dishes smugly. It wasn't until later that I realize I had willingly served someone to win an argument. _I am getting soft on this ship!_

Blamey took the plates from me, asking, "Is the cap'n hurt badly? I d'nea want t' hurt the lad on purpose, 'e jess got in the way." Guilt was eating at the big softy.

"Nah, he'll live."

Blamey thanked me and went back to work but I did not miss the sigh of relief from the cook. He had been trying very hard to look as if he was not listening. The crew really loved their captain, even when tempers got in the way.

I stamped up the stairs to the main deck but did not get very far before Adri bounded up to me, blue and green curls flying behind her. Her hair always reminded me of those little green galaxies caught while changing colors. I wondered for a split second if she was born with hair that color or if she some shapeshifter in her blood.

"Has Mariano talked to you yet?"

I shook my head, wondering where she was going with this.

"Oh, I think he isn't feeling well and was going to ask you to cover his night shift tonight. But maybe plans have changed. You should ask him, he's down in the control." She finished and was gone just as suddenly as she came.

I shook my head trying to process the information she had rapidly thrown my way. That girl could talk the ear off a canid. And canids have big ears.

"Mariano?" I called as I cautiously made my way down the stairs. "Adri said you wanted to talk?"

I was greeted with an angry sneeze and a stuffed up groan. "I told der no' t' ask you! Nofing iz wrong wiff me."

A very sick Mariano glared at me from under a large blanket swathed around his body. He was completely covered from head to toe, the only other part of him that was visible was a rather pale hand clutching at a mug filled with something steamy. I wasn't sure if he could even see right because his eyes were so bloodshot.

"Nothing's wrong?" I asked sceptically. I had to take off my coat it was so warm in here, he must have bypassed the system to make it so hot.

"Yuss." He croaked. A shiver raked his body. His face disappeared into his blanket for a second and I heard him blowing his nose.

I took that opportunity to look around at the control panels. A few lights were flashing where they should not have been and a screen was begging for attention. Mariano was a smart spacer and he was very particular about the way the ship was run. The condition of the cabin told me more about how sick he was more than his appearance did.

"Mari." I accused gently. "You need to rest. Look at the state of the ship!"

"It's fine! I have it unber control!" He voice was dramatically different from his usual smoothness. He sagged against the sixth panel and he continued, almost in a wine of self pity. "I've neber been sick. I _can't_ leabe."

I watched him mop his forehead with the edge of the blanket, my frustration building. I wasn't sure how long I could keep up the sweetness. I wanted to gag.

"Look, either you leave now or you'll leave this universe all together to pass on to the next life. Go."

He stood and stumbled, almost spilling his tea all over himself. I stepped forward and stopped him from tipping any further. I pushed him up the stairs and all the way to the infirmary, ignoring the dark threats and muffled curses coming from the blanket. We received many surprised looks on our way to the infirmary.

"M.E.R., take good care him." I cautioned as I forced Mariano to stay seated. The bot nodded its head and fired up its vital scanner. I stepped back out of the way and watched curiously from the shadows. I nearly jumped out of my skin as Jim shifted his weight.

"Hellfire! Don't do that to me!" I hissed. It took everything I me not to wallop him. _C'mon Alice! Backing into the captain? Keep an eye out._

He smirked slightly as he continued to unwrap the bandage from his hand. "Aren't you the little nurse today, that's the second person you've sent to up here."

I flushed and looked away. "It's not my fault you two were too stubborn to take yourselves. Beside, Mariano's a mess and so is the ship now. It's gonna take me all afternoon to straighten it out. What _are_ you doing?" I asked noticing the bandage coming off.

He dropped his hands to his side like a naughty child caught in the middle of disobeying. "Nothing."

I made a face and grabbed his hand. It looked like the bot had cleaned the cuts and administered some sort of salve and now Jim had wiped it all off. I snorted at his carelessness and grabbed a new roll of gauze. "What's the point in coming here if you're not going to follow the bot's orders?" I chided while wrapping his hand again. Not in a very gentle, caring way, I just cannot risk Brent taking over as captain at all.

He sucked air through his teeth as I brushed over his knuckles. Jim loosened his jaw and looked at my face as he said, "To appease to you."

I looked up ready to snap back to whatever humor was in his face but I was cut short by seeing he was serious. I froze. Why were his eyes so blue and beautiful? I frowned and focused back on his hand, giving a not-so-gentle tug.

"Ow! Now that one was on purpose." He accused.

I made a noncommittal sound and tied the bandage off. "Keep that on, and don't let me catch you messing with your head either." I finished the threat with a mock serious glare and left the infirmary.

Back in the control cabin, I started to address the many things Mariano had let slide because he was so sick. I stood there drumming my fingers on the cool metal, frowning at a small blip on one of the screens. I was currently staring at the steering system. Some sort of flaw in the integrity of one of the heating pipes was blinking. It was a small issue on a background system that probably hadn't even been noticed yet but I liked to know I'd done everything correctly so I wouldn't get in beat for it later. _No, Alice, you're doing this because you want to help the crew as much as you can. You're a slave, you owe them your life._

I hit a button on the bell system and I was patched through to the boys in the engine room. I explained the situation and what to do and waited. I heard a huff on the other end and then a bored agreement. I was still working to set the air pressure right when the bell rang for dinner.

I got my food and settled in between Owen and Blamey, both Mariano and Brent missing from the table. Jim sat across from Adri down the table dressed in a more casual shirt. It was loose and thin, you could most of his chest through it. He must be wearing it while he had his other clothes cleaned.

We happened to make eye contact and I nodded approvingly at his still wrapped hand. He gave a mock salute and the meal continued.

I shoveled down the last of the bland purp pudding and rose to dump it in the galley sink. "Make sure you scrape that plate! I swear you spacers always leave half the meal on there and put it in the sink for me to clean later." The cook growled at me.

I glared and opened my mouth to snap back when the captain walked up behind me. "Maybe if you made better food the crew would actually eat it." He laughed. "Lay off the girl, you can't actually order her around. Finish up then get some sleep, you've had quite the eventful day."

The cook grumbled a thank you that I'm pretty sure I could feel through the floorboards and turned away.

I stood there trying to gauge what I should do in response but was cut short as Jim stepped closer to me. We were only inches away, almost pressed together. I felt his fingers brush along my back. The alarm bells exploding in my head were not helping me think. I fought down the panic, I could probably keep him off me if this got worse.

"Excuse me." He said obviously confused why I was blocking the sink and blushing so deeply.

I practically ran out of his way and the galley. _Idiot!_

"Alice! Wait up!" Jim called.

I could out run him, hide somewhere but if you're trying to play something off, running isn't the best method. I turned and left off wringing my hands.

"Have you been working on the controls since the infirmary?"

I nodded.

"You do know that you can take the night shift off, right? Once everything's battened down, feel free to get some sleep. You're not responsible to watch everything all night, is all I'm trying to say."

Not his smoothest and he knew it too by the color in his face. "Oh, thank you." I stuttered. Another moment passed as we stood there nodding and avoiding each other's eyes.

"Well, I should go."

"Me too."

We danced awkwardly, one trying to get by the other without any contact. Finally Jim stopped and let me pass. My face burned and I had never wished more in my life that I could go down stairs faster.

 _What are you doing? Why can't you get a grip on your acting? You're not even acting like yourself! You've never let a good looking spacer get in your way before so why is Jim any different?_

 _Because he's nice, he actually cares and feels responsible that I'm trapped on his ship. He's just trying to make me feel comfortable because of what he thinks is my past._

 _No! He's a liar and he'll sell you down the river first chance the gets. Everybody's the same. Why have you learned that yet? Don't ever let your guard down, fate's always looking for a opening to screw you over. Don't give it that opening. Don't let anyone in, especially Jim. He's duty bound to finish you off._

I breathed out slowly while tilting my head to crack my neck, back to focus. I tweaked the air pressure one last time and did a once over all the system diagrams. There was still a blip on the steering system but I left it to the engine crew to fix tonight.

Satisfied, I poked my head out of the control cabin and looked around for any sign of the captain. Nothing. I snuck out and made it to my cabin without any issues. With the bolt shut, I could be myself.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel tired. Lately on particularly embarrassing or dangerous days, I've crashed hard, wanting just to shut it all out. Today certainly fell in to one of those categories but I felt restless.

I sat on top of my bunk and wrapped myself in my blankets while I leaned against the wall, staring out the port hole. We were passing through a particularly desolate part of space but I found a small spiral galaxy in the distance and focused on that. The cloud of stars and gas seemed even more tangled and confused than I was.

True, I had started this whole slave act with an unrealistic expectation of my acting ability, but I had never anticipated getting so involved. I had thought I would be able to ignore interactions and stay cold but these people wanted to talk to me. To be my friends, for now.

I huffed and huffed again, trying to reconcile what my life had been like to what it was now. I've been betrayed so many times I've learned not to trust, not to care. Because if you allow yourself to care you're allowing yourself to be hurt, to be left behind time and time again.

That's why it's so hard to pretend that this ship is my saving glory. I saved myself from slavery. I was the one who took charge of my life and changed it. I am the reason I'm here now and the reason I'm alive. I am all I need.

So why do I feel like I can trust Jim? Why do I think he's different? He can't be, no one is.

I felt overwhelmed by the pain and confusion. I scrunched up my face and pinched the bridge of my nose. I shoved these incongruencies and the pain and Jim back to that corner of my mind where my father and my family and my slavery lived, back so far that I could control when and where I would think about them. I slammed that door in my mind and locked it again.

Safe.

Safe from emotions and pain. I sighed and was content sitting warm in my blankets, passing time. I sat there for what must have been hours. The little galaxy was almost out of sight when I got tired of sitting but not tired enough to sleep. I might as well start the day early.

I flicked on the lantern and brushed out my hair. It was getting long, it needed a trim. I turned to see myself in the mirror set in the wall to see how long my hair fell and was surprised. My blonde hair spilled down in its irregular waves to my waist. I don't think it's ever gotten that long, not since I was a child. My hair was brighter then. I'll ask Adri to cut it.

My gaze switched from my hair to my face. The bruises were fading, splotches of green, yellow and brown now cover my right jaw and eye. The bruise on my forehead was almost gone, too. It would be nice to see my own face again. I'd never thought of myself as very pretty but I liked my straight nose and large, dark eyes. I'd never been able to see my eyes very well in the boiler I had used for a mirror on the Doubloon, but I could see the green flecks in the deep brown now. I liked the way my lashes curled even though they were so fair you could hardly see them. They matched my eyebrows.

I took one last look, enjoying my mirror to the fullest. I slipped into pants and put on one of the white blouses. Before tucking in the shirt, I raised the hem to study my side. It had been two weeks since the injury and M.E.R. had removed the last of the stitches three days ago. Scars laced over my ribs and it was still red and sore in places. I was just happy that I wasn't infected by anything on that rebar.

I let my shirt fall back down and tucked it in. I was fully dressed except for my boots that I carried until I was out of the narrow hall. I put them on outside and went down to the control cabin. I scanned the systems and worked on the solar sail converter speed for an hour or so until I noticed the blinking light still on the steering system.

I cursed. This is why I did everything myself on the Doubloon. I never had to wait around or rely on others to do my job. I stamped out of the control cabin and made my way down to the belly of the ship.

I hadn't been down this deep since Blamey gave me a tour. It only took me five minutes to locate the engine room. Wires were tied in bundles and trailed on the floor and hung from the ceiling in the steamy room. It was more like a long corridor that curved gently with the side of the ship with machinery on either side. I walked down slowly, trying to identify the jumble of pipes that would be part of the steering system that needed fixing.

I honed in on a small copper pipe close to the ground that was dripping hot oil on the dirty floorboards. X marks the spot. A fastening was loose and now the hot oil lacked the pressure it needed to keep the massive ship's wheel turning smoothly as it turned the even bigger rudder. It was a small thing, no one had probably noticed but I like to know it was fixed for my own peace of mind.

I studied the fastening on the pipe. It had a type of bolt that had I had never seen before. I frowned and stood up and started looking for the cabinet with all of the repairs tools. I found it in the back and brought several different tools back with me since I didn't which one would work.

I wrapped an old rag around the pipe to keep from burning myself or being sprayed with oil and tried out one wrench at a time. Eventually I found one that fit and loosened the metal band and twisted it over the break in the pipe and then tightened it as I hard as I could. I unwrapped the rag that was now black with oil and waited. Nothing was dripping and it seemed fine. Now I just had to clean up the spilled oil and add some more oil to bulk up the pressure again.

"Who are you? What are you doing down here?"

The sharp questions startled me out of my cleaning. I stood and turned around to face the speaker.

It was Jim. We both blinked in surprise.

"Alice, what are you doing here this early?" He grumbled, trying valiantly to wake up.

"There was a fault in the steering pipes. The engine boys didn't fix it last night so I thought I'd do it myself." I said lightly, wondering if I had overstepped my bounds.

"You know how to fix engines?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, nothing now. I'm all done."

A frown of confuddlement crossed his sleepy face. "Huh. May I take a look?"

I stepped back and gestured that he could. He shuffled over and squatted down to examine my work.

"This is actually pretty good." I tried not to get too offended by the muffled report. "I guess I have noticed the wheel not turning very well but I never thought anything of it. How long did you say you were wrapped up in this whole slave business?"

I was grateful his back was turned so I had a second to process. That would have hurt Slave Alice. That hurt me.

I sucked in air sharply and bit out, "Too long! And 'that whole slave business' was my life!" I had been yelling but now a dropped to a frozen whisper. "How dare you?"

I turned and ran out of the engine room, up the stairs and onto the deck. I leaped up the rigging and climbed until I was about three quarters of the way up to the crows nest. I didn't want to be noticed by anyone, the captain, the spacer on watch in the crows nest, anyone.

I wrapped my arms around the thick rope rungs and sat down, swaying in the etherium breeze. I tipped my head back and the let the wind play with my shirt and hair as I tried to separate the feelings I had and the feelings other Alice would be experiencing.

Pain tore at my heart. That feeling could stay. To have someone so casually comment on all that fear and darkness felt terrible. Too much rage boiled in me, I had to let some of it go to stay believable. I squeezed my eyes shut to block the tears as I released those memories of my slavery. I had been so alone, so afraid. That was the darkest point of my life, I had questioned everything like most do when they realize they are not loved by a single person.

A sob came unbidden and I pressed my wrist to my mouth to stifle it. My heart ached. I hadn't allowed myself to go back to that time because I knew how much it hurt and how long it takes to forget again. I scrubbed at my eyes and jumped as a body slid past me.

Owen had been on watch, evidently, and crawled down past me. He barely looked my direction as he glided over the ropes. I watched with an open mouth, too stunned to do much of anything.

I thought I was nimble until I saw him climb down the rigging. He practically flowed over the ropes, his movement were so liquid. Owen was on the deck in a matter of seconds and I continued to watch from my vantage point. Jim had just come up on deck and probably looking for me the way he cast about. I watched as Owen and the captain exchanged some sort of casual handshake and the felid nodded almost imperceptibly in my direction. Jim looked up and I cursed softly. _Owen, that little tattle! He sold me out!_

As Jim started toward the rigging, I turned and fled up to the crows nest. I swung over the railing and crossed to the far side. I had to face him now, there was nowhere to go. I could try to climb past him but that would make the confrontation even worse and more awkward.

 _This is the perfect time to plant your story, just watch yourself._ I took a breath and went to the place I hid all those memories and unlocked the door. I gasped as the pain and betrayal came flooding in. I took a blurry glance down and knew Jim would be up here any minute. I grabbed the rail, my back to where he would come up. _Just stick to the truth and when you can't, stick to your story._

Boots. "I can't begin to say how sorry I am. That was insensitive and I was completely out of line. I can barely read in the mornings, much less think straight. I should never have opened my mouth. Do I even ask for your forgiveness?"

I held the silence for a second longer and started, my voice heavy with emotion.

"You know, I was once held in a holding cell the size of a closet. I was in there for thirty seven days, in the dark, in the cold. The pirates holding me would often forget to feed me but when they did, it was even worse. They came with their hungry eyes and entitled hands. I was twelve, I was a child. I fought off every single one of them, I took a few eyes and fingers with me. It was hell. It felt like an eternity.

"I was lucky that I had a knack for mechanics, most girls weren't so fortunate. Fixing things and making myself useful around the ship was the only way I survived. So if you think you have any right to assume what I've been through, think again." I turned to face him, trembling without the support of the railing. "I've lived through things you can't begin to imagine." Another sob clawed its way out of my body. A hot tear splashed down my cheek.

I was feeling everything now. Not simply faking it for the story, I was crying. I was spilling out my sorrows to this man. Pure regret showed on his face. He was stiff, frozen with guilt and pain. He didn't know what to do or say next. He almost made me feel worse.

I had to leave, his empathy was not helping me detach myself from these messy emotions raking my body. I brushed past him, trying to flee down the rigging but he caught me in his arms. I panicked. What was happening? Jim drew me to his chest, wrapping his strong arms around my sobbing body.

 _He is hugging me._

That thought was the last straw, I broke down completely. I sagged against him, burrying my face in his chest. I clung to him because my legs felt like mush. Maybe it was the exhaustion from not sleeping last night or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't been comforted by anyone in over ten years. Living to keep yourself alive is a lonely life.

We stood there on the crows nest until the ship's lights came up. My sobs had quieted and my face and his shirt were drying from my tears. I took a shuddering breath and started to push away. He gave me one last squeeze and relented. His arms were still around me but they were looser, I got the feeling he didn't think I could stand on my own.

I crossed my arms in between us and didn't look up as I said, "I do forgive you. You couldn't have known."

"I still should never have said anything."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"This," I said. I shrugged my shoulders to indicate the hug. "It's been a long time since anyone has let me cry on them. Sorry about your shirt."

I was trying to brush the moisture away when he startled me by tilting my chin up to look him in the face. The bandage on his hand scratched my face. His blue eyes were smiling gently as he said, "Not a problem. You have nothing to thank me for."

We held each other's eyes for another minute, just satisfied to be still. The bell rang for the first wake up call and we suddenly realized what we were doing. Color sprang to our cheeks as we unwrapped ourselves and headed down to the deck. We were just about to part ways before someone noticed us when he caught my hand in his.

"Hey," He said softly. "I'll make it up to you somehow."

I flashed him a small smile. "You already have."

That made him blush and we separated, each with our own thoughts.


	6. Chapter Six

_I'm back! Sorry, these newer chapters are taking so long to put on paper, well, screen. Hopefully, you'll see more chapters soon_.

Chapter Six

I thought, briefly, that because of our moment in the crowsnest my interactions with Jim would be less awkward and more friendly. I was so very wrong. I think we both realized how suddenly that all came together and tried to pretend like it didn't happen. Think about it, the captain embracing the new quartermaster who was a complete stranger, nobody had known me longer than two weeks. It was not the best way to start his career, especially with Brent breathing down our necks.

Her icy stare followed me wherever I went on deck, I would jump every time she made her surprise inspections on my work. I had never noticed her checking up on any other's work, her suspicion made me watch my movements even more.

Mariano was recovering from his head cold and Jim was so impressed by my work on the steering system that he had us split the control shifts. That caused some ruffled feathers at first but we soon settled into a routine. Mariano's shift went from 14:00 to 02:00 with breaks for dinner and relaxing with the crew and I took the other twelve-hour slot. I didn't mind missing night duties, I actually enjoyed getting to wake up early. It gave me time to think through my day. I like hearing the ship wake up.

Until I heard Jim wake each morning. He made his rounds of the Nebula early, checking every division of the ship and that all was well. He always ended in the control cabin. That led to awkward conversations. He would slouch down the stairs and I would suddenly find something to fill my attention and he would ask if there were any problems and I would say no and then we would move on as fast as we possibly could. And we had repeated that every morning for the last two week.

Currently, I was tinkering with one of the circuits in the fourth panel. I had taken off the grill and slid myself underneath it. One of the connections wasn't responding as quickly as I would like it to so I was searching for a broken wire or a faulty soldering job. Nothing that I could see. I poked around, knowing there had to be an issue somewhere. I nudged a circuit board to the side. I had filled my fist with wires to examine when I heard those dreaded boots.

I cursed softly and tried to stuff everything back in place as I wriggled out. I hastily tucked my shirt back in and pushed myself off the ground when Jim came in. He looked from the unlit panel and the jumble of wires pouring out to me with a questioning look.

I felt myself blush and gestures limply to the mess. I was having trouble pulling my mind from the machine that I was working on, I didn't realize how hard I had been concentrating until I tried to explain myself.

"I uh...um…" I flushed even more if that was possible. I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose to try to collect my thoughts. I heard Jim shift from one foot to the other. He cleared his throat. Then I remembered.

"Ah! The controls in this quadrant weren't responding immediately, it's probably a faulty wire. So I was looking for a break." I ended weakly.

It took him another two seconds to process, which made me feel better that I wasn't the only one struggling this morning. "Oh, have you been able to find it?"

"No. I've been looking for ten minutes," I admitted.

"Can I take a look?"

I nodded dumbly and stepped back. I watched him stump down the last few steps and drop to the ground on his back. Our eyes flicked over each other's and we both jerked away violently. I drifted back as he settled under the panel, his head and shoulders hidden. The hem of his shirt had come untucked when he had crawled under, exposing part of his side. My neck felt like it was on fire as my eyes flicked over his defined muscles.

I spooked and nearly screamed as a hand shot out and pulled the shirt down. Panicked thoughts flooded my head. _Calm down! He's probably as uncomfortable as you._

"You said it was the fourth quadrant?" His question muffled through the wires.

"No, it was the third one that wasn't responding. Did you find something in the fourth?"

"I think so. But that wouldn't explain the problem you saw. You're looking for a wire breakage?"

"That's my best guess. What have you found in the fourth?"

"It's a few disconnected wires from one of the boards."

"Oh, that actually might be the problem," I said, feeling slightly stupid that I hadn't seen that myself. "Which wires?"

"The MU and drag wires are loose and the insulation is wearing off the NEA cable…"

"I'm just gonna stop you right there." I interrupted. "I've never learned the technical terms, I'll have to see it to know what you're talking about."

"Oh, well." He slid himself to one side and I tried not to notice his shirt pulling up again. I was really confused when he patted the floor next to him. Then I froze. _He wants you to lay down next to him to work on the panel. On the ground. Close to him. And you didn't make this any better by staring at him, Alice!_

I groaned internally and flopped down and shimmied next to him. _Ignore his arm touching yours,_ I told myself.

"Where?" _Let's get this over with as soon as possible._

"Right here." He tugged the board closer and pointed to the wires in question. I took it out of his hand and suppressed a shiver. I was so close to him I could feel each breath he took. I felt so exposed, exposure is dangerous.

"I think this is the problem, and even if it isn't it should be fixed." Here I paused, everything I needed to repair this was on the other side of Jim. _Do I reach across him?_

 _No!_

"Could you hand me that tape?"

He jolted. "Of course, here." I had startled him. I didn't want to think about where his mind had been.

We had been working on the machine with our arms above us and as he passed the roll of tape to me, one of us fumbled and it landed squarely on my left eye. I yelped and let go of the circuit to hold my eye and caused the tangle of wires to fall all around us. We were both apologizing and trying to shove the wires back up. Finally, Jim managed to hold them off while I secured the circuit board. With that fixed, I pulled the grill over and kept it pressed against the panel as Jim screwed it on.

I breathed a thank you and ducked out before anything else could happen. I focused on firing up the panel and Jim crawled out behind me.

"How's your eye?"

"Fine. Just a little sore."

"Can I see?"

I reluctantly turned around and looked up at him. He wasn't much taller than me but it was enough to make my bad eye water. He reached out tentatively and braced the edge of his right hand on my forehead and used his thumb to peel back my tightly shut eyelid. After a second, he let it fall and stepped away, both of us grateful for the space.

"It's just a bit red, I'm sorry I dropped that on you." He said limply.

"It's okay, nothing to make into a big deal."

"I guess I'll go now."

"Okay."

He was rocking on his feet until I turned away, I heard him leave. I glanced over my shoulder to make he was really gone then sank to the ground for more than a few reasons. One of them was because I had to pick up all of the tools anyways but another was because I felt like I was about to die from mortification. I let out a long, low groan.

 _You are the definition of an idiot! There's is nothing you could have made worse. Staring at him, getting too close, dropping all those wires on top of him, not being able to explain yourself and just general awkwardness! Were you trying to make your relationship with Jim even more stressful than it already is?_

I buried my face in my hands and moaned again in agony. My eye hurt. I touched it gingerly and flushed again as I remembered his strong hand on my face. He had been so gentle and kind. I had never known anyone that could look so intense but be so soft. A small smile crept on my face and I let it sit there. The bell rang the first wake up call. I hauled myself off the ground and brushed off the dust.

With a sigh, I made sure the panel was functioning properly and stumped up the stairs towards the mess hall. I got there before the rest of the crew and slopped porridge and dried fruit onto my plate. I watched sleepy figures trickle in, tucking shirts and rubbing faces. Soon the place was full and I felt even more uncomfortable with both Brent and Jim only an arm's length away. A flicker of warmth would roll over me every time I felt his eyes on me but Brent's stiff breathing was like ice water washing it away.

I couldn't stand this frivolous flip-flop of emotions anymore and left the table, meal only half finished. I shuffled around the control cabin for the rest of my shift trying to brush off the incident this morning.

Mariano startled me. I must have gotten wrapped up in something and not noticed the time. Did I miss lunch? "How's it going? Anything I should know about before I take over?"

I shook my head and mentioned the panel fix earlier. He frowned so I led him over and explained in detail what the problem had been and what it was like now. We were both bent over it when Brent clipped down the stairs.

I felt like cowering to escape her notice but I resisted and stood straight next to Mariano. He had lost suave manner around me, but when anyone else walked in, he was back to his charming ways. "Brent, it's been awhile since your last visit. Couldn't stay away?" He purred.

I think if I hadn't been in the room, we might have seen some emotion from her but I had to be satisfied with the ice cold stare. "As if, quartermaster. The reason for my 'visit', as you say, is to let you know we'll be making a stop. A small class L planet, most likely uninhabited. Brief the girl, you'll be coming this time."

"Really?"

"Really. We aim to be primed for entry by tomorrow morning." With that, she spun on her heel and clipped out of the control cabin.

"I'm guessing you don't get to go out on missions very often," I said slowly, trying to relax now that Brent was gone.

"Well someone always has to man the cabin and until you came along, I was the only one who could. But with you, maybe I'll get a chance to see some action. Let me walk you through everything, there's a lot that goes into an entry mission."

We spent Mariano's whole shift preparing the ship for the reconnaissance mission. A large portion of it was Mariano teaching me how to run the ship while the crew was down. I had landed ships before but the Nebula wasn't going to enter the atmosphere, something I did not have experience doing. It was a complicated mix of keeping the ship close to the planet and not getting sucked into the planet's gravitational pull. Another factor was keeping the Nebula traveling with the rotation of the planet so we didn't lose our crew down below.

Adri had brought us supper when we didn't show in the mess hall. Even care-free Adri seemed stressed at this upcoming mission, I noticed how tight her movements were as she walked out of the cabin. I mopped my forehead, it was way past the normal time I went to bed. I had been up for twenty-two hours straight and I felt too tired to eat. I watched Mariano tuck in, he hadn't lost any sleep and his shift ended in a few hours and then he would get to sleep until departure. _Lucky._

I scrubbed at my face and stared dully at the content quartermaster enjoying his meal. "Who usually goes on these things?"

"The captain or the first mate is always on the expedition but never both 'cause only one of them can steer the ship and somebody has to do it. There's usually two quartermasters, a midshipman, and two spacers handy with muskets. Jim tries to rotate positions so everyone can gain the experience but the same people volunteer each time."

"Why would the first mate be leading this expedition? It seems like a captain's job to be conquering new worlds." I said, not really meaning the sarcasm in my voice.

"Well, it seems like a pretty tame world to conquer and this is your time trying to run the ship, he has plenty of reasons to stick around."

I made a face and pushed myself off the stairs. It seemed like Mariano was telling me a few instructions one minute and then his shift was over. I wondered if I had fully processed everything in those last two hours.

I was alone. The gentle humming of the panels faded into nothing as I tilted my head back to stare at the ceiling. I had officially gone an entire day without sleep or any other kind of rest. And I had a whole other day ahead of me, too. The incident with Jim seemed like it happened days ago, not hours.

I shook my head and straightened. _That is the last thing you need to be thinking about in your deprived state, Alice._

I plodded over to the panels and continued the many things left to prepare for the mission and started my daily tasks. I was now regretting my choice of skipping dinner. I brushed my hands over the buttons and switches, no tangible thoughts passing through my tired head.

"Alice!"

Someone was shaking my shoulder.

"Alice, get up!"

"Mariano?" I responded groggily.

"Yes, silly. Get up before Brent comes down here and finds you asleep on the job."

Cold realization trickled in. "Hell's teeth! How long have I been sleeping?"

"How should I know?" Mariano was clearly frustrated. He was in full uniform for the first time I'd seen. His dark hair was slicked back and he was freshly shaven and looked even more dazzling than usual. I picked my jaw off the ground and scrambled up.

"What have I missed? What needs to be done?" I asked frantically trying to wake up and think rationally.

"Everything looks fine, for the most part. Wait, you should take a look at this." I join him in studying the solar sail system. "You should refine the power flow from the mizzenmast."

I agreed and set about correcting the issue. Brent came halfway down the steps and stuck her head down to call Mariano to the deck for the final briefing. I must have slept through the wake-up calls and breakfast, the ship was buzzing with busy spacers.

I had just finished the last touches on the ship's power when the call came through the bell system that the sloop was preparing to take off. The captain had been maneuvering the Nebula close to the planet and had now set its course. In a minute, the selected crew would board the small vessel and dock somewhere on the world below.

My first job would be to close the hatch in the belly of the ship once they shoved off. Then it would be a constant battle of monitoring the ship's gravity and atmosphere. A gust of wind or a storm could severely disrupt the oxygen levels onboard the Nebula, or there may be some sort of native poisonous gas that could leak into the sloop's protective sphere that would endanger the crew below. I would have to watch that, too.

"Departing." The first mate's distorted voice came through the bell system.

I pressed the PTT button and relayed that I had gotten the message. I stayed near the bell but I had my eyes trained on the green twin of the Nebula on the screen. I watch the digital double as a panel of wood slid back allowing the small sloop to drop out of the front of the ship. The little sloop disintegrated as it sailed off the screen.

"Closing the hatch," I reported. I stepped away and continued my job. Once the hatch was sealed, I pulled up the gravity and oxygen stats on panels three and four. All the vital information that I was monitoring was right in the middle, easy to see and easy to manipulate. Satisfied and very hungry, I leaned against the far wall and waited for a change.

The expedition crew reported each stage of their mission every ten or fifteen minutes, none of them directly affected me. I had tweaked the gravity twice since the launch. No toxins had been detected yet.

The speaker suddenly crackled to life. "We've landed and we are starting our reconnaissance. Expect another report at the relaunch. Over and out."

A standard report but by the speaker's tone, you would have thought it was the most exciting event. Mariano was almost too happy to speak coherently. I smiled. _I'm glad he's happy._

 _Why?_

 _Because he's my friend._ That thought caught me off guard. I frowned as I tried to think of all the reasons why I should not allow this friendship to continue but I could not think of any. Why he had just saved me from Brent's wrath by waking me up this morning. He had deflected quite the number of cruel jokes pointed my way, as well.

I sighed and rubbed my empty stomach. I glanced at the displays one last time and decided to check the galley for something to eat. I crept up the stairs and slipped into the mess hall. It was dim from the lack of lit lanterns. The stillness was unusual. I wove between tables and benches finding the cook absent. I took a glance around, I felt strangely guilty that I had snuck in here but my hunger outweighed my conscience. I walked past the pot-bellied stove and eased the pantry door open.

I grinned. Shelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling, all tightly packed with various ingredients and foods. I've done enough stealing in my day, I knew not to finish that crate of purps, even though it was tempting. I settled for an old roll from last night's supper and I pried off a wedge of mushroom and cheese pasty. I was leaving when an open sack of burtle berries caught my eye. Without a second thought, I plunged my hand in and retreated with a fistful of my spoils.

Out on the deck, I fully intended to go back to the control cabin to eat, but there was no one around and the cooler air felt so good. A lavender haze floated on the edge of the ship and it struck me that I had never seen the planet we were exploring. I felt my feet move to the railing on their own accord. I pressed my hips against it and leaned precariously over the edge.

A perfect sphere of dusty purple laced with dark blue streaks lay peacefully beneath the Nebula. It was too far away but it almost seemed like I could smell the vegetation that must be growing on its surface. I let my eyes roam where they pleased as I tucked into my late breakfast. The tart, almost lemony burtle berries disappeared first. Then the pasty.

I was picking the roll apart when somebody leaned over the rail next to me. I kept my focus on the gently turning orb below, too guilty to see who it was.

"Don't you have a job to do?"

I smiled. "I could ask you the same question, Jim."

"It's on autopilot. I didn't see you at dinner last night, or breakfast. Is everything okay?"

"This is my breakfast and dinner!" I waved the roll in his face. He batted it away playfully. "Does it usually take this long?" Ignoring his question with asking one of my own.

He was considering if he should press for an answer but relented. "Sometimes, we probably won't hear from them for another hour or so. It's a lot of documenting and flag planting."

"Flag planting?" I asked incredulously. "What is a flag in the ground going to do? Another empire could just land on the other side of the planet and claim it for their own without knowing about our flag or you could just pull it out and no one would be the wiser."

"Look," he said. He had turned to face me, resting on an elbow. "I never said it was effective. It's just something the Navy tells you to do. Protocol."

I laughed. "Not a fan of protocol, eh?"

He turned back and rubbing his neck. "I'm warming to the subject. I wasn't exactly your model citizen before the academy. But, I think, I'm getting there."

I looked at him, thinking. "Is it weird to say I don't even know what a model citizen is supposed to be like?" I laughed awkwardly, suddenly embarrassed that I had said so much. "I should get back."

I slipped away, leaving Jim leaning over the railing. The control cabin was just as I left it. I sighed, still tired. Like Jim predicted, the speaker crackled announcing the launch of the sloop within the hour. I stayed busy as the sloop approached. I opened the hatch when they got closer. As soon as the sloop was inside and the hatch shut, the Nebula rumbled and shook as we broke free from the purple planet's gravitational pull. Soon we were in open space.

I was slightly confused. I had expected to feel proud or satisfied at this successful mission but I just felt empty. I wrote it off as exhaustion.

Little things kept me busy until lunch. I settled with my food at the table noticing the absence of the more than of half the usual gang. The crew must still be debriefing with the captain in the stateroom. I had long finished when the sloop crew and the captain came tramping in. Spirits were high and I think I even saw a smile on Brent's face.

But I was too tired to appreciate the gaiety and slipped off the bench. As I passed Mariano, I tugged on his sleeve. "Are you able to take over now?"

I had stopped him mid-laugh and it took him a second to understand my question. "What? Oh, oh, of course. Yeah."

"Okay then." But he had already turned away. I trudged out of the hall, not caring about the curious looks. Not caring about anything other than sleep, really.

My bunk welcomed with open arms and I don't even bother changing my clothes.


	7. Chapter Seven

_Let me know if there are any typos in this chapter, I'm trying out a new editing software._

Chapter Seven

I laughed skeptically but plucked a card out of Owen's hand. The twisted heart. I showed the card to the rest of the crew behind me and then stuck it back in the deck. The cards blurred together as the felid shuffled, then he asked me to take any three cards out and place them on the bench we were straddling. I did so and took another long draw of cider. The cards were moving again. Maybe if I had been completely sober I would have been able to see how he found my card, but I doubted it, Owen was too smooth. A proud smile flitted around the corners of his mouth as he held up the heart for all to see. The mess hall broke out in gasps and yells of tipsy astonishment followed by clapping.

As I swung off the bench to let someone else have a go I tilted dangerously. A variety of arms and tentacles shot out to catch me and kept me on my feet. I nodded gratefully in the general direction of the crew.

It was the end of the Queen's birthday and we had made the most of the special occasion. Duties were lightened as much as the ship could allow and the cook doubled the meals. More than a few kegs of cider had been drained, as well.

I had silenced those plaguing alarms in my head a while ago. I wasn't drunk, just enjoying myself. _As long as you don't talk, you'll be fine_.

I pushed my way through the crowd surrounding Owen and his tricks. The more sleepy and sober spacers sat in the shadows, watching the drunk group's antics. I dropped down next to Adri. Her sea colored hair was pulled back into a lopsided bun exposing her neck. It was slender and freckled like everything else on her body. She was humming a space shanty and swaying in time with the tune. A small smile was painted on her pretty face.

"Having fun?" I asked.

She saw me for the first time and her face brightened. "Yes, I am. It's been awhile since I've has this much fun." She wrapped her arm around mine and slumped against my shoulder, still humming.

"How much have you been drinking?" I laughed. Hopefully, my voice hid how uncomfortable I felt. Cuddling has never been my thing.

"I haven't been, for your information." She poked my side teasingly as she sat up again. I hid the sigh of relief in my mug.

"Well, I think the bigger question then is: why not?" I yelled over the latest uproar at Owen's skills.

"I don't drink, silly. You should know that."

I didn't bother trying to remember why I should know, it would take too long. I grunted and finished off my cider. I sat for another minute longer then hauled my clumsy body off the bench.

"I'm headed off to bed," I stated flatly.

"Don't fall overboard." Adri cautioned. "We'd hate to lose such a fine spacer."

"I'm no spacer, you wouldn't lose much." _Careful, Alice._

She frowned, then giving me a shove towards the door she said, "Go to bed! You better not be grouchy tomorrow, we'll be fixing those sensors on the bowsprit and you know I can't stand negativity."

I waved her off and stumbled on deck. The lights were dimmed and the stars seemed oppressively close. Soft laughter drifted down from the quarterdeck. Jim was at the wheel, vest unbuttoned and hair ruffled by the breeze. But it was Brent that caught my attention. She was the most relaxed I had ever seen her. She was facing Jim and resting against, almost draped over the railing. Her head tilted back with each laugh.

 _How much have you drank, Brent?_ I asked myself with a raised eyebrow. I shrugged, maybe she was starting to loosen up. That was beneficial for everybody on this ship.

"Stop yanking on the rope! Do you want me to fall to my death?" I yelled over my shoulder in Adri's direction.

I wasn't afraid of heights but something about clinging to this narrow beam jutting out in front of the ship was rattling my nerves. Adri was the only thing keeping me from falling into cold space. I unwrapped one of my arms from the rough beam and tugged my lifeline tighter around my waist.

With another glance back to make sure I was safe, I continued to shimmy forward. My tool belt clanked with each movement. It wouldn't have been that hard if the bowsprit was level but it was an awkward battle of moving up and out.

 _Why couldn't we have sent one of the engine boys out here? Or Mariano?_

 _Because you've made a show of fleeing to the shrouds whenever you're upset and now Jim thinks your not afraid of falling._

I grit my teeth and kept moving. _Well, if that is what he thinks, that's what he's going to get. Almost there._

I tried not the think about the fact that the pole was getting thinner the farther I got from the ship. I finally reached the tiny platform and locked my legs around the beam. I sat up slowly, praying that the wind wouldn't blow me off balance.

A small solar sail flapped just above my head. I had to duck to avoid being smothered in the fabric. The platform was right in front of me, like a large dinner plate in my lap. On the platform were several antennae and a small bowl-shaped thing that would swivel around to collect data. But it was the primitive screen display that I cared about. I switched it on and waited for it to show me the state of the sensors. It was a lot of complex details that only needed to be checked once a month, not information that deserve a place in the control cabin apparently.

Everything was in top shape with the exception of the fifth antenna, the base was loose. I pulled out a stick of wax and a thin roll of mesh. I braced my arm next to the antenna and held the wax close. Lighting a long match, I let the wax pool around the base of the antenna. Working quickly, I ripped off a section of mesh and pressed it into the hot wax, reinforcing the antenna without blocking any of its signals. These sensors were very delicate, they relayed the air quality to the control cabin. Anything metal would disrupt the signal and wood was not a material for quick fixes.

I clean up the wax beads that had been blown by the sharp breeze. I stuffed the supplies back into the tool belt and tugged on the lead end of the rope twice, letting Adri know I was coming back.

I unlocked my ankles and started the slow process of scooting backward. It was even more tedious than before. Suddenly, I gasped and cursed violently as a splinter jabbed into my thigh. I grit my teeth and jerked my leg, breaking off the splinter from the bowsprit. It hurt like hell but I'd have to deal with it later, it was too risky to inspect it now. I clamped my jaw shut and ignored the pain as I climbed off the bowsprit.

"There, see?" Adri clapped me on the back. "That wasn't so bad. And this is our only job for the morning, so we have a few hours before lunch. I don't know about you but I'm going to curl up in the galley and annoy the cook."

"Is that wise?" I asked as I untied my lifeline. "Annoy him how?"

"Oh, it's fine! I just sit by the stove and read. I only make irritating comments occasionally." She laughed at my skepticism. The cook and I have never been on great terms and I was replaying Blamey tussle with him in my head.

"Relax! This is my third time sailing with him, we've actually gotten to be good friends. Vin doesn't fight with people _that_ often. He just has a hard exterior, he's a softy once you get through to him."

I snorted at the joke, that would describe any crustacean. I shrugged, tool belt hitting the deck. "I mean it's your hide, do what you like."

A cold hand felt like it was squeezing the blood from my heart. _It's your hide. That's pirate phrase if I've ever heard one._ It's a phrase that means you don't really care what the person chooses, it's their hide that'll take the beating, not yours. I've never once heard someone onboard the Nebula use that. _Please, please ignore it, Adri!_

I was forcing myself to breathe at this point as I waited for a reaction. She had been coiling the rope and nodding while I talked. A flicker of confusion passed over her features but she never looked up to question it.

I continued, trying to change the subject. "What do most people do when they have free time?"

True, I only worked in the control cabin for half the day but the rest of it was always spent supervising the mizzenmast, my original assignment. This was the first time other than yesterday that I wasn't occupied.

"Drink, mostly. Maybe a card game or betting will crop up. Some of the spacers might borrow a book from the stateroom for the day, Jim is always generous in that regard. Frankly, I don't think he's ever read any of the books in there."

She finished with the rope and we both had to put our backs into sliding it over to the railing. It was a heavy job. Unfortunately, I remembered the splinter while we did so. As Adri skipped off towards her cabin, I was left with the tool belt and a bleeding leg.

I bit my cheek as I went to pick up the belt. I suppressed my urge to hobble to the control cabin and walked with my back straight and head tall. I stowed it in the small chest and chatted with Mariano for a minute to avoid suspicion. He had taken my shift this morning so I could work on the bowsprit. I'd be taking his shift this evening. I got the feeling he wasn't in the mood for chatting. He must be grumpy from the lack of sleep and the fact that he had missed out on all the celebration last night. I made a hasty getaway.

In my cabin, I bit my knife handle and willed myself to pull the piece of wood from the back of my right thigh. I stood with my leg braced on my bunk. It had taken a while to get a hold on the end of it because it had gone so deep. I took a breath and pulled. It was a quick job but I suddenly found myself back in the dark and the cold. I was pulling myself off of the Doubloon wreckage all over again. I shuddered violently and dropped the jagged splinter from my shaking hand.

I bent to pick up the piece of wood. It was about as long as my hand and glistening with my blood. I looked it over but it was impossible to tell if I had gotten it all out of my leg. I had to hope for the best.

The spare pillowcase in my drawer would never be found again because it had a new purpose by being a bandage and a towel. After mopping up the blood that had been dripping down my leg and onto the floor I folded a small scrap into a square and held it to my leg while I wrapped a long strip around it. I didn't tie it off but rather tucked in the ends. A knot would be visible through my pants. I carefully pulled a clean, unripped pair of pants up and over the bandage.

I cleaned up the last of the bloody evidence and left my cabin. Closing the door on the narrow hallway, I stood on the main deck wondering where I should go and what I should do. Ahead of me was the mess hall and above me was the quarterdeck and stateroom. I was honestly not sure if I could even read literature anymore but I'd give it a shot.

Stumping up the stairs, I noted that the ship's wheel was on autopilot and neither Jim nor Brent were anywhere to be seen. I shrugged and walked over to the stateroom door. The whole room was set beneath the small poop deck at the very back of the ship. That is the highest deck on the Nebula, it's so small that it doesn't even have a mast.

I tapped on the door and turned the handle taking a few steps into the cabin. Both Brent and Jim froze. Morph sat in a bored, pink puddle on a map sprawled on the massive oak desk that took up nearly half the room. The scene seemed normal enough, a captain and first mate discussing the route for the journey. But neither of them were studying the map. Brent was perched on the edge of the desk while Jim had one leg propped on the chair. It looked like I had caught him mid-story. In a second, Morph's face lit up, Jim's leg came down and Brent drove an ice sickle into my heart with her glare.

I blinked. "I'm sorry. I have interrupted you two. I'm...I'm going to leave now. Sorry." I stumbled backward, trying desperately to remove myself from this sticky situation. My right leg smacked into the door jamb and I winced involuntarily.

"It's okay, Alice. What do you need?" Jim asked, pulling the door open and me back into the room.

"I was told I could borrow a book? If this is a bad time, I can go."

"No, no, it's fine. These books don't get read enough anyway. Pick whichever you want. We'll just be going over the coordinates, don't mind us." Jim pushed me towards the bookcases lining the far wall.

I gravitated to the one farthest away from Brent. I stared dumbly at the shelves, wishing I could just leave. A small chuckle warned me of Morph's approach. The creature floated down from over my head and settled on the shelf in front of me but not in his usual pink form. A miniature Brent stalked up and down the shelf scowling and wagging her finger at something while muttering darkly. Horrified, I scooped the shapeshifter off the shelf and smothered him against my chest, shooting a glance over my shoulder.

"Morph! You can't just go around doing that! Do you want to get us both in trouble?" I whispered hoarsely, trying not to be heard.

He slipped through my grasp and thought about the question. He eventually shook his head.

"Good. Anyway, I came here for a book. Any suggestions?"

The little thing turned into a magnifying glass and swooped over the book bindings, evaluating the titles. He returned, shaking his head sadly. I frowned. "Nothing at all?"

He considered my question. Then with a self-satisfied coo, Morph shifted into a leather-bound book that could easily be taken for one on the shelves.

"Not exactly what I meant, but at this point, I'll take it." I grabbed him and turned to leave the room after what felt like an awkward eternity.

"Found something?" Jim asked with an expectant smile, looking up from where his hand was very close to the first mate's.

I held up Morph as an answer and ducked out, shutting the door behind me. "That was a close one," I told the book. It trembled and melted back into the floating blob. "C'mon, you're supposed to be my reading material. Let's go 'read.'"

The little thing couldn't be happier as it chirruped and whistled around my head as I pulled myself higher into the shroud. I stopped climbing once I was sure the spacers on deck and the spacer in the crows nest couldn't hear me. I twisted so I was facing out and sat down on the edge of my seat with my right leg dangling below me. It hurt every time something bumped the wound.

Morph was still whizzing by me going in and out of the ropes when I was startled by his horrified gasp. "Morph, what is it?"

He came to face me with his big eyes brimming with tears. He gestured toward my leg. "What? Am I bleeding?"

He gulped and nodded.

"No, Morph! I have not been shot!" I said in response to him turning into a gun and firing at my leg. "It was just a splinter. You know, like a piece of wood?"

He understood and promptly moved on. It was hard to keep the little guy in a bad mood. But I wasn't done with the subject.

"Morph," I said sternly. "You're not to say a word of this to Jim. I know you. You're like his little spy or something, you tell him everything you see. But not this, okay? It's not a big deal."

He gasped, wounded at my accusation.

"Sorry." I sighed. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You're not a spy."

He huffed and accepted my apology. Morph settled in the crook of my elbow and cooed. I stroked him absentmindedly while losing myself in the sea of stars. We were still for a minute, gently swaying in the breeze.

"So, what did I walk in on earlier?"

No response. I glance down and saw the little guy was fast asleep. I chuckled and settled back, fancying a nap myself.

But I was never given the chance. The bell sounded for lunch and poked Morph awake. He grumbled relentingly. But he was soon back to his old tricks and pulled at my hair while I carefully picked my way down the rigging. I swatted at him whenever I had a hand to spare. I let the pest ride on my shoulder into the mess hall.

"You don't have to wait for me if the line is too long," I muttered to the grumbling blob. He kept flying at the spacers in front of me in line and spitting and tugging hair and making signs that they should hurry up. But every time, he would come back and settled on my shoulder for a second before zooming off again.

As I went down the line slopping food onto my plate, he was busy collecting his tiny scraps of food and placing them in a neat row on my arm holding my plate. I glared at him to hide my amused smile. I walked to our table and set my napkin down and started moving his lunch onto that instead of my arm. I then sat down cautiously, making sure my wound was very far away from the edge of the bench.

I took a large bite of the Zirellian stewed beans and tried not to choke. I couldn't tell which on was burning me more, the excess of pepper or the scalding temperature itself. My eyes blurred and I emptied my entire glass of water from in one go. Coughing, I pushed the toxic substance away from me.

"Not enjoying Vin's famous stewed beans?" Jim laughed as he plopped down on my left.

"What are they famous for? Killing a spacer with one bite?" I spluttered.

That elicited another laugh from him. "Did you like the book?" he asked while giving Morph a gentle noogie with his knuckle.

I couldn't tell if he was messing with me or being sincere. "Yes, it was very entertaining." All true.

"Mm, remind me of the title?"

He knew. _Blast it, he's smart._

"Uh, 'On the life of shapeshifters' or something like that."

"Uh huh, I see. I haven't read that one." I stuffed a biscuit in my mouth to change the subject. "Are you alright? You backed into the door pretty hard earlier."

I my eyes widened, I didn't think he had noticed. I blushed and glared hard at Morph. "Oh, it wasn't the door," I said through the biscuit. I was going out on a limb here. "I just felt so bad for interrupting. Um, what was I interrupting, by the way?"

"Brent and I were discussing navigational charts."

"I see." I didn't.

"What? Why did you say it like that?"

"No reason." There was.

"C'mon, Alice." He pleaded. "I could charge you for withholding information from a senior officer."

I knew he wouldn't but I decided to play along. "Fine," I said, lowering my voice and leaning into him in a confidential manner. "It just looked like you and Brent were enjoying yourselves a bit too much to be just discussing charts. That's all."

Confused amusement crossed his face but his bright blue eyes never left mine. "There's nothing between us if that's what you're hinting at."

I raised an eyebrow. "I never said there was, Jim. I've just noticed she doesn't enjoy anybody else's company but yours."

Both our eyes drifted over to the woman in question at the end of the table. She sat ramrod straight, quickly putting away the stew. _Does she feel no pain?_

"I guess that's something you'll have to take up with the first mate."

"And lose my life?" I hissed. "I'd rather not."

"Be nice," he cautioned in a low, dangerous tone. I forgot how loyal he was.

I sighed and returned to my meal before Morph got any ideas. The rest of the lunch hour passed by uneventfully. But Jim would not stop tapping his leg underneath the table. I could feel the rapid pace through the bench. He kept glancing at Brent.

Something I said must have struck a chord, he was in love with her. He certainly couldn't keep his eyes off her. It made sense, really. They were together more than anybody else on the ship, they had to be. I remembered the multiple times that I was startled from my work on the mizzenmast by laughter from the direction of the bridge. I had had the perfect view of their relationship forming from my position.

 _So why does it hurt?_

 _It must be the stew in your gut, walk it off._

The meal ended around me and I needed a brisk reminder from Mariano that my shift started now. I drifted to control cabin, the way now memorized by many trips back and forth. Fortunately, the afternoon was a busy one. It kept me on my toes so I soon forgot about Jim and Brent and their love.

Mariano hadn't neglected anything but the ship always needed more balancing out after a mission. Five days ago, the second reconnaissance mission landed on a completely desolate planet and Mari and I had quite the task of keeping the crew from being poisoned by the noxious vapors pouring from craters in the ground. Jim had gone that time, leaving both of us in charge of the cabin. That had been my most stressful day on board the Nebula. The fact that Jim could die so quickly and Brent could easily take over was constantly on my mind.

Of course, the safety of the crew was on Mariano's mind as well, but I got the feeling he was curious as to why I was shaking and couldn't seem to breathe. Luckily, they didn't stay long on that planet. I was so spent by the end of the shift I fell asleep during supper. Blamey nudged me and eventually half dragged, half carried me to my cabin and deposited me against the door. I woke up the next morning on my floor.

I was currently wondering when the dinner bell would ring. Technically, it should have been on the hour, ten minutes ago. I could wait around or start filling out the daily report. I finally decided the cook was too unreliable to wait on and grabbed a sheet of parchment from the cabinet. I pulled up the main systems on the screens: engines, air, water, sails, and lighting. From there I started scratching down the important things like how much power did the sails harvest today or if the air needed to be purified sometime soon. All of these statistics would be entered into the ship's log. I had just finished summarizing the engines when the bell rang.

I threw down the quill and cursed the cook and his timing. The meals were too frequent to be efficient. I wasn't mad at the fact that I was no longer starving it just seemed like a constant interruption. I steered clear of the stew for this meal and settled for vegetable mash and a purp pudding.

I cautiously approached the table and sank down in between Mariano and Blamey, using their bodies to hide mine. Brent was missing from the table. She hadn't missed a meal in a while. Jim wasn't looking up, another added piece of tension. The other quartermasters had picked up on the fact that something was off, too. We felt the pressure to whisper whenever we talked like we might make whatever it was worse. We had all finished and left far before the dinner hour was up.

 _That was strange. But it's over so move on,_ I told myself afterward.

It took me another half hour before I was finished with the report. I looked it over for anything out of place, this was only my second time doing the report.

I frowned at my messy writing. I had gone to school before it all, so I knew how to read and write but had been a very long time since I had used those skills. I was still unsure about the spelling of one of the words but didn't know how to correct it. I'm sure Brent would know how.

I signed it and marched up to the stateroom. I knocked loudly, determined this time not to enter unless given permission.

"What is it?" Came the irritated response.

"Daily report. Do you want it now?" I asked.

"I guess."

I turned the knob slowly, giving whoever was in there plenty of time to prepare. "Don't take a day about it."

"Sorry." I walked in and set the paper down in front of a scowling Jim Hawkins. He barely nodded in acknowledgement. I stood there for a second, unsure if I should ask what was troubling him. I decided against stirring the bees nest and backed out quietly.

In the cabin, I closed down the various charts and stats that I had pulled up for the report. I started to power down the parts of the ship that are not used at night. I dimmed the lights and lowered the temperature. Everything was battened down and I decided to take my break now.

Every spacer got a quarter of an hour a day to do whatever, usually, it was used on bathroom breaks and the like. I always tried to save mine up and spend it by myself to regroup. I almost always went to the crows nest, that's where I was going now.

I like the feeling of climbing. You have to use your whole body, your arms to stabilize yourself and legs to move upwards while using your core to balance and move against the swaying of the ropes. With sprays of stars surrounding you, you felt untouchable. Free. Bold.

The tricky part was hauling your body off the ropes and onto the crows nest. It was an out and over type of move. I got my elbows on and had one leg up when I realized I wasn't the only one up here.

I startled Brent. She stood up sharply, grinding the heel of her hand into her eyes. "Spacer, what are you doing? You are supposed to be in the control cabin."

"I get a break, don't I?" I knew my tone was bordering on disrespectful. _Careful_. "I was coming up here to think but I see you beat me to it. I'll leave."

"It is a free space. You can stay."

I froze, I really didn't want to stay but now I couldn't leave. I pressed my lips together but pushed myself up all the way.

She had her back to me. _Thank goodness._ I tipped my head back, searching the heavens for inspiration. I had to say something, it had been a full minute of silence.

"Something you want to talk about?"

"I don't know yet."

I rolled my eyes, I had very little sympathy at this time of night. _Why are you still trying?_ "Tell me, what could be so wrong in your perfect life?"

She whirled around, the movement ruffling her short bob. I honestly think her eyes would have bored holes in my face had they not been filled with tears. "My life is far from perfect." she spat. "Just because I have not been a slave my entire life does not mean my life has been easy by any means! "

"Oh yeah? Try me." _How bad could your life possibly be, Brent?_

"Do you have any idea what it's like to never be enough?" _Actually, yes._ "To have such high-achieving, perfect parents that no matter how hard you try, you will never amount to anything? Well, that is the life I lived all through childhood.

"But I was not going to let my parents' disappointment stop me, I would make it drive me. It drove me to be the best in whatever I attempted. I set my sights on the academy. I would be the best spacer that school had ever seen. And I was, damn it! I excelled in every subject, I had to. I was the top student every time, I flew through the academy. My professors told that I would leave the academy and go straight to first mate, my grades were so excellent. I would spend one year-long mission, maybe two, as the first mate then become captain, if I did well.

"And I did well. I accomplished my first voyage with the flying colors and the captain's highest recommendation. I was the first mate on a short escort voyage and told I would be captain on the next exploration mission leaving the port royale. I prepped and planned and arranged everything. I poured my heart into this expedition. This would put an end to the criticism.

"But I thought wrong. Four days. Four days before the launch, I was reassigned to be the first mate to some academy legend. A kid. He was everything I hate in the Navy. He only got into the academy in the first place because somebody pulled some strings, he never had to work to be accepted. Not to mention be he has a record longer than Davy Jones himself. I had the rug yanked out from under me so some rebellious punk could get a chance to redeem himself. The only reason he was more fit for the job was that he had one short day-trip as captain. That obviously makes him more suitable."

Brent's voice had been tight with pent-up anger and pain. I was grateful that her ranting had kept her attention off of me, I was afraid she might lose control over herself. But then she changed. She pressed her lips together as the first tear fell. Her tone softened into what almost sounded like desperation.

"But of course I couldn't hate him once I met him. Of course, he had to be the most handsome, most kind and caring person I had ever met. Of course, he had to keep apologizing for the reassignment that we both disliked. Of course, I had to fall for him.

"But I was never going to act on my feelings, a mistake like that would be detrimental to my career. But today, Jim somehow caught word. He realized that I am in love with him. Now, he has made it abundantly clear that he does not feel the same way." She gasped for breath here. "Nothing would have happened anyway, but it was nice to dream."

Her crisp hazel eyes started to focus again and eventually found my face. "I don't really know why I just told you all that."

I had a few options for a reply, none of them very nice. I want to be safer around her and maybe that would happen if I make the first move to heal our relationship. _Here we go._

"It's alright, we all want to talk to someone sometimes. I'm sorry for what I said earlier, it was rude and unfeeling."

The young woman blinked in surprise. She had never heard me apologize for anything before. "Oh, well, thank you, spacer."

"You can call me Alice, you know. Maybe if you let more people into your life they would let you into theirs. Anyway, my break's up. I should go."

"Alice, wait." I looked up. "Thank you for listening." I had watched her hard shell wash away during the time she was talking. I was able to see her as the kid she was, still and at peace, her eyes soft. But soon, she had built up her walls again and I was shut out. "I hope that we can move forward after this."

"Me too."


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

A few minutes later, I sat thinking curled up in a ball a the base of the stairs. I was still digesting Brent's story. She had it rough, I had to admit. I did empathize to a degree but I would not call her my bosom friend yet.

But deep down, I discovered a more disturbing realization. I had felt only relief when she had told me of Jim's rejection. My heart was still soaring. Their romance was all in my head! Looking back, Jim was agitated because he was trying to figure out how to let her down gently, like the gentleman he was. All the leg tapping was because he didn't want her to live in a lie. He felt bad for her.

I bit my cheek. _How many times do you have to be told? Love is dangerous. Sure, he's kind, handsome, and respectful but it doesn't mean anything. He is not Brent's, but he's not yours, either. You need him, that's all. You're tired, you can process after you get a few hours of sleep. His dreamy blue eyes can wait._

I pushed off the ground and finished my shift with only half of my mind on task. Jim's face kept bubbling to the surface, his jokes, his smile. _He's a distraction!_ I grunted and shook my head. I had to keep reminding myself every five minutes to focus.

Mariano took my shift before lunch. I thought about going to the mess hall but I couldn't face certain people. My bunk was calling. I slipped into my cabin as someone exited theirs. I undressed and wrapped the blankets around my sleepy body. But try as I might, I could not keep that small smile from creeping on my face.

"Alice!" Jim caught up with me on the way to the mess hall the next day. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice. He was so close to me, staring through those heavy brows.

"Look, we're coming up on another planet and I want you to be a part of the ground crew this time. Do you want to? Would you promise not to run away?"

I made a face and punched him lightly in the arm. It was a long-running joke at the table that I hadn't been taken on a mission yet because I might try to leave as I had first wanted when I arrived on the Nebula. I knew now that my best shot was to stay onboard, most of the planets out here were uninhabited and isolated. I would have nothing to call a life if I left, even though the thought had crossed my mind.

"Yes, I would like to go and yes, I promise not to run."

"Good, then I'll see you in the stateroom after lunch."

The chair squeaked under me as I repositioned my leg. It still hurt from that splinter, it must be infected or something because it was still oozing blood. It felt strange that I was the only one sitting for this meeting. Officers of higher rank were allowed to sit but since Jim was doing the briefing and Blamey was too large for any of the chairs, I was the only one.

I turned my attention back to Jim. "Now, as I have said before, this planet is class L. Which means it's probably all vegetation without any signs of life but that doesn't mean it's not dangerous. We will follow the landing protocol as usual."

"Yeah, yeah. We get it. Why do we all have to go over the basics? The only person you have to brief is quartermaster Hayward." Piped up a muscular spacer in the back. His shock of bright orange hair clashed terribly with his gunner uniform of deep red.

I started at the mention of my last name and his harsh tone. But Jim put me back at ease. "Protocol would have us say it every time and it doesn't hurt for the more experienced members to hear it again. There have been slip-ups recently. And Emmerson, watch your tone." Jim had been addressing the crew in the tiny stateroom but now he focused on the gunner. His voice sent a chill down my spine.

Emmerson eventually lowered his eyes and bobbed his head in respect. The rest of us let out sighs of relief. The rest of us being: myself, Blamey, the midshipman, and the other gunner. The gunner was older but still competent and very imitating. I did not want to cross her. Emmerson was the only other man beside Jim and Blamey.

"We will launch at 06:00 tomorrow. Do what you need to be ready by then. Are there any questions?"

Jill, the pretty canid midshipman, raised her hand. "How long do you expect this expedition to run, if all goes well?"

"No longer than two hours from the launch."

She nodded.

"All of you are dismissed. Alice, would you stay behind?"

"Yes, sir." I watched the four other spacers file out of the room. The door shut behind them. I rose from the chair with a squeak and a wince.

Jim turned and searched my face with his soft eyes. "Are you still good? I know Emmerson can be a jerk…"

"Emmerson is fine." I interrupted. "This will be a nice opportunity to get off the ship. Not to run," I reassured him. "Just to breathe."

He smiled and placed his hand on my arm. "You should get some rest. We start early in the morning." He said as pushed me gently toward to the door.

I turned to face him. "What about you? Do captains ever take breaks?"

He chuckled. "No, we do not. No rest for the wicked, I'm afraid. "

"I don't think you're wicked." I blurted. _Stellar job, Alice. What's next? Want to tell him you love him, too?_

Jim flushed and looked away. His hand flew to the back of his neck as he took a step backward. "Take a break. I'll see you at dinner."

I fled out of the stateroom without replying. My stomach backflipped when I nearly ran into Brent. I gulped and slipped by.

 _Your alarm is buzzing,_ I sleepily told myself.

 _But it's so dark._ I pleaded.

 _Look,_ I reasoned, _you have already gotten a few hours to sleep. Get up._

I moaned into my pillow and hauled my body off the bunk. I stumbled over to the sink and splashed water on my face. Glaring at my red-eyed reflection, I grabbed the brush and started dragging it through my messy hair. I braided it down my back, frowning at the awkward short pieces that insisted on falling out.

I pulled on the same tight, dark pants that I was wearing yesterday and selected a new blouse. Jim said to wear something I didn't mind getting dirty. I glanced at the thin shirt, I had never worn this one before. I shrugged and put it on. I pulled the blue cotton jacket over top.

As I shoved my foot in my boot, I had to hold my breath to keep from groaning. My leg still hurt. _Blast that splinter! It's been three days, why isn't it healing?_

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the pain. I let out a slow sigh and opened my door. I shut it quietly behind me, I did not want to disturb Brent. I could only imagine what kind of wrath that would provoke.

I carefully clipped down to the mess hall, the cook had set out an early breakfast for us last night. I set some cured meat and a purp on the plate next to the hearty oatcake. I drizzled black honey over it all and made my way to the sloop bay in the belly of the ship. I slipped through the narrow door and found a place to eat. A coil of rope in the corner provided such a place. I set my jaw and lowered myself into a sitting position. Crossing my legs, I had a good view. Jim had said that I would be more of an observer this mission and there would be more doing next time. So I observed. And ate.

People were bustling around on the narrow walkways suspended halfway between the ceiling and the bay hatch down below. Ropes held the two sloops floating in place, divided by another walkway. We would be taking the biggest one.

Everyone was here with the exception of Nerissa, the gunner. Blamey stood with tentacles on hips ordering Jill and Emmerson around. Jim was standing against the far wall talking quietly with Brent. She nodded and left the launch bay. Jim stayed where he was a minute longer, a satisfied smile on his face. He smirked as Blamey told Nerissa off for being late.

"Alright, alright, Blamey. Lay off, she's here now." He said slapping the big Highlander on the shoulder. "Keep up the good work."

Spotting me, the young captain sauntered over and squatted next to me. I finished off the last of my purp and looked at him questioningly. "Is there something you want me to do?"

He didn't answer. He just looked at me then shook his head.

 _Then why are you here?_ I wanted to ask him, but I didn't. I busied myself with picking up the crumbs from my lap. He still wasn't talking but he wasn't looking at me either. I was very confused.

"I'm going to return this and check in with Mariano," I informed him. I got up and stood there holding the plate for another minute. I wasn't sure why I expected him to give me an order, but it felt like something was missing. I tried to unfurrow my brow and walked away.

"Oh, Alice. Wait."

I turned around.

"Find someplace for this little guy to go. He can't come with us."

I took the still sleeping Morph from his hand and trudged away. I dumped the plate in the sudsy water and skipped out of the kitchen before the cook could yell at me.

"Mariano, do you need anything?" I asked clattering down the stairs.

"No, I should be good. Remember, there's a radio on the sloop so you can contact me if you run into any trouble. Only Brent and I will be able to hear you. Your crew will be in charge of opening the hatch to launch and to close it once the sloop in back inside." He looked up from the panel screen, smiled and grabbed my shoulders, tilted his face to look me in the eyes. "You'll do fine, enjoy it. I'll see you in a few hours and you better tell me all about it."

"Or what?" I asked teasingly.

"Or I'll never speak to you again." He retorted. He was just about to let me go when I grabbed his hand and plopped Morph inside. I waved and trotted out of the control cabin to the sound of both Mariano and Morph's indignant yells.

Everyone seemed to think that I was scared or nervous about this expedition. They were wrong but I wasn't going to correct them. I'm a poor slave girl who is landing for the first time in her life, people thought. _If that's what they think, that's what you will be._

I arrived at the launch bay just in time. Final ropes were being cast off and Blamey was organizing the spacers in the sloop. It was such a small craft it had to be balanced perfectly. Jill was seated in the prow with the two gunners on the bench behind her. The mast was just in front of Blamey, who needed a whole bench to himself. It looked like Jim and I would be sharing the rear bench that was split in two by the motor and steering controls.

Jill held the last rope and was ready to let it go once the hatch was opened. Jim stood by the hatch lever, looking at me.

 _They're waiting for you, dummy! Get in the boat._

I felt the color drain from my face. I swallowed then walked over to the sloop, wishing that my shoes would stop making so much noise. I reached the edge of the walkway and stared at the gap between the sloop and myself. It was only a foot and half but it felt like a mile. I felt everyone's eyes on me, but I glanced up and was immediately comforted by Blamey's outstretched tentacle and pitying eyes. I grabbed him and hopped in before I could make myself more anxious.

The sloop rocked for a second but steadied. Jim nodded at the midshipman and switched the lever opening the bay hatch. With a quick step and an agile leap, Jim landed in his seat as Jill cast off. Taking the controls, the captain dropped us through the hatch.

My stomach lurched and goosebumps raced up my arms. Cool air rushed through the protective sphere. The Nebula disappeared from view as we started for the planet below. Mariano radioed that he had closed the hatch.

"Jim!" Jill called from the bow, "Do one of your barrel rolls!"

The gunners joined in on the request. I frowned and looked at Jim. _What did they mean?_ I saw the mischievous grin spring on his face and he laughed. He leaned forward, repositioning his grip on the controls. But then his eyes flicked over mine, his smile faded replace with another one of his soft, caring looks.

Jim sat back and shook his head. "Let's just do what we came to do."

The crew groaned and protested quietly. Emmerson shot me a dark glance. I wasn't sure what had just happened but I got the idea that he thought I was responsible for stealing some of their fun.

I shifted on the bench and leaned over the side to see where we were landing.

It was a dark orange orb with odd square patterns in a red-brown color, maybe they were mineral deposits. Thin blue clouds ringed the occasional mountain. The surface looked mainly flat with a few canyons here and there. I doubted we would find anything interesting. I did notice the temperature growing warmer the closer we got to the ground.

I turned my eyes from the quickly approaching ground and pulled out the display panel from the side of the controls. I could feel Jim's eyes on me but I didn't want his pity. _He must think you're fragile or something. He doesn't treat you like the rest of the crew._

I pushed the thoughts away and studied the stats in front of me. The air looked breathable and the ground dry and safe, if not on the warm side. The sloop should be relaying all this information back to Mariano.

"Ready yourselves, here we go!" Jim bellowed, grinning rakishly.

I gripped the bench beneath me and held my breath. I've never liked landing. The sloop shook and gusts of wind tore through our clothes and hair. The horizon wobbled and tilted making me feel sick.

Then it stopped. The roar of the motor quieted as the sloop hovered to a halt just above the ground. I blinked, it was so hot and arid down here. I felt sweat on my neck already.

Jim grabbed the radio. "We've landed! Talk to you soon."

A second later, he had swung himself over the side and hit the ground in a puff of dust. Blamey and I watched the others follow suit. "Ye best git off b'fore me, lass. I'll knock ye overboard when I disembark."

I chuckled and swung my legs over the side. I was just about to jump down when Jim got in the way.

"Here, let me."

In all honesty, I would have preferred to get down by myself but I had to work with what I got. I took his outstretched hands and tried to slide off without landing on his toes. I was successful but ended up only inches away from his face with my back against the sloop.

I tried to breathe but something went wrong. I opened my mouth and shut it again. Suddenly, I was worried about how much my hands were sweating in his and how my shirt was riding up my back. Panic was rising in my throat. _How do I get out?_

"Timber!"

I yelped as Jim suddenly yanked my body towards him. I collided into his chest and tried furiously to back peddle and get away from this nightmarish situation I had found myself in.

"Hold on, hold on." I heard him chuckle as he slowly released my arms. "Look," he said spinning me around.

It took me a full three second to understand. The sloop was rocking violently from Blamey getting off. From where I was standing before, I would certainly have been knocked over if not knocked out by the side of the ship. Jim had saved me again. _Why did he have to keep doing that?_

I flushed and turned around sheepishly. "Um, thank you."

"No problem, that was me the first time out on a sloop. You know my cyborg friend? He wasn't a lightweight by any means and I got knocked down more times than I can count by that guy." His smile was so easy and kind.

"So what's next?"

"Ah, that's the fun part." He said rubbing his hands together. "Nerissa, you're with me. The rest, with Blamey. You take that direction and sweep in an arc, we'll go the other. Let's move, meet back in a quarter of an hour."

I stood there not sure which group I was supposed to join. The captain spun back around and beckoned. I shot him a grateful smile and jogged to catch up with him and Nerissa.

We started tramping around in the dust and hot sun, taking soil samples along the way. The other two had taken off their jackets and were rolling up their sleeves. I was walking just behind them and went to follow suit when I froze with one arm pulled from its sleeve.

Yes, I was sweating and miserable but this shirt was sheer enough without being wet. How transparent would it be? I bit my lip as I pulled my coat back on. I cannot risk my tattoo being seen. I settled for unbuttoning my shirt past my collarbone.

Nerissa happened to glance back at me. "You're not hot?"

An innocent question but I hated her for it. "No, I've suffered worst."

She shrugged and flipped her graying hair over her shoulder as she continued chatting with Jim. I was happy to fade into the background. _To die a hot and sweaty death._

We circled back to the sloop in the fifteen minutes. The other three joined us a minute later. Jill was radioing the Nebula while the rest of us packed up samples and supplies. Blamey boarded first then the rest of us hopped on. Jim was the last to board. He had just driven the Empire's flag into the dry earth and untied the dragline.

"Launching," I said into the radio.

Jim grabbed the controls and fired up the engine. The sloop jolted and hummed and rose several feet before a sharp hiss cut the air. The vessel was careening over and all at once fell back down to the ground. The keel scraped the orange dirt once before the hovering kicked back in.

"What the hell jus' happened?" Blamey roared as he righted himself.

"I don't know but everybody just calm down," Jim said with one hand on the controls the other out towards the crew in a placating way. "Pull out the screen, tell me what's happened."

"Already on it. Hold on." I said.

"Launch failed, I repeat, the launch has failed." Jim braced himself for the reply.

"Failed? What do you mean 'failed'? Sir, what just happened?"

"Impossible! I just checked that sloop this morning. It was fine. What part blew?"

Jim cut Mariano's tirade short and tried to answer Brent's questions. "Look, we don't know what happened but the main thing is that we are still on the ground. Give me a minute to check."

I had been scanning the display but could see nothing. "I don't know what the problem is. I can't find it."

"It's fine," he fumed. "We'll try it again. Hold on!"

The engine rumbled and we leaped forward several feet before another crash. The panel next to me flashed brightly and I jerked away, brushing sparks off my arm.

"Is everyone alright?" Jim asked, his concerned and frustrated gaze lingering on me. The crew nodded, murmuring that they were okay.

But I was watching Jim. I could tell his irritation was growing but he handled it well. He took a brief second to close his eyes and breathe. But when those blue eyes snapped back open, I almost flinched at the steely determination. His whole face had switched to problem-solving mode, jaw tight and set, dark eyebrows knit together. Every part of him was tensed and ready for action.

He was taking command.

"Alright, everybody off. This might take awhile. Blamey, pass out the water." In a quieter tone, he said to the quartermaster, "Careful how much water we use, we may be here a long time. There's no sense in guzzling the water now."

The cephalopod shook his big head knowingly then eased himself over the side.

Once the sloop stopped swaying, Jim stood and lifted his bench seat. Underneath was an assortment of tools, supplies, and bundles of wire. He pulled out a small water canteen and passed it to me. I accepted it gratefully but limited myself to only a few sips.

That water was the best water I have ever drank. Maybe that was stemmed from the fact that I was still fully dressed and very hot and dehydrated or because Jim was kind enough to hand it to me. Either way, it was delicious even though it was warm.

I passed it back. I tried not to stare at him while he drank but the way his muscles rippled was fascinating. I wasn't sure if I had ever seen his forearms before.

 _What are you doing?_

Shivered involuntarily as I came to my senses. I ripped my eyes away and plunged into the panel's screen, doing anything to distract myself from the man sitting next to me. I felt the boat shift from my sudden movement.

 _Please don't notice me!_

"Found anything yet?"

The question startled me more than it should have. _Stupid guilty conscience._ "No, not yet."

He grunted. He knelt in front of the now powered down engined and pried off the grill. A puff of acrid smoke billowed out, we both shrunk away from the fumes. Coughing and batting at the smoke, Jim peered inside. He cursed.

"Dare I ask?" I said softly.

"Only if you want bad news." He looked me dead in the eyes. "The wiring is shot. Everything's fried."

He rocked back onto his haunches, his face dark.

"So we rewire it. It can't be that hard, we have the tools, we have the time."

"It's going to take hours, Alice. This isn't like a circuit board. We all might die from heatstroke before I'm finished."

"So we'll work on it together. Just show me how to do it, I'm a quick learner."

He evaluated my proposal. "At this point, it's our only shot. Let's do this."

He stood and scooted me to one side while he rummaged the gear under my seat. He grabbed every bundle of wire he could find and selected a pair of pliers for each of us.

The motor was roughly box-shaped so while he worked on the front end, I was working on the top part. After radioing the Nebula and telling them what was going on, he started showing me what to do.

"So you have three types of wire, right? You're going to have to pull out each faulty wire and travel down until you find the undamaged area. Cut off the fried bit and split it down the middle for about a half an inch. Take your new length of wire, the metal type has to match, and splice them together like this, see?" I watched him as his practiced hands quickly twisted the pieces until they were like one wire. "And then connect the new end to the transistor."

"Why not just replace the whole strand? The integrity of the wire isn't necessarily any stronger."

"One, we probably don't have enough wire to redo the whole sloop and two, it's just power flowing through these. If it was the panel screen that had the issue, the connection would have to be more secure to pass information, nor just power. But with this, as long as everything is touching, it will be fine for now."

I frowned, this was very different from what I was used to. I kept trying to picture the sloop as a full-blown ship but I don't think that analogy was helping me.

He smirked at my expression. "Just get started, it will come with time."

"Alright, if you say so."

He settled on the ground to work on his portion and I knelt on the bench working on mine. It was slow tedious work. I counted the time by how many wires I repaired. I got zapped by charged wires more time than I could count. It took everything in me to watch which swear words I was using. Most of my broad cursing vocabulary was a tell-tail pirate.

"Blast it!" I spat for the third time. This one wire was really deep and I kept bumping into a battery. I shook my hand vigorously, trying to get the awful buzzing feeling to go away.

I heard Jim snicker. I leaned over to glare at him.

"You don't work small scale very often, do you?"

I shifted my weight so he couldn't see my face. "If you were a pirate, you probably would let your slaves work on sloops, either. It's like begging them to escape."

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I forgot."

"It's okay," I said, straining my voice just a touch.

I spluttered as I got zapped by the battery again. "Arg! By all the cheating moons of Anterra! If I…" I let my tirade fade into a nasty grumble before I said something that could really endanger me.

"That's a new one." He laughed.

"Oh, shut up. You're not the one being electrified every two minutes." I retorted sarcastically.

"We can switch places."

"And have to do all of your work, too? I don't think so."

Silence.

 _Did I go too far? That had been a kind offer, did I offend him?_

The suspense was eating me up inside. I had to know. I continued rattling the wires around with my right hand as I slowly inched my way over the engine. I could just see the top of his head, now his forehead, now his… stupidly grinning face.

Warmth sprang to my cheeks as I blushed furiously. He was sitting there grinning at me as I tried to sneak up on him. He was waiting for me to crack, the scarier part is that he knew I would. I resorted to making a face at him and going back to my half of the engine, silently fuming that he had duped me like that.

Sweat was trickling down my shirt at an alarming rate now. The back of my neck must be sunburnt. I mopped my forehead with my sleeve. I only had seven more wires to splice. Jim stood up and reached for the canteen. He shook it and squinted inside. Not much left. He sighed and offered it to me.

I took it and was just about to drink when he scowled. "Your leg, it's bleeding."

My eyes widened as my hand flew to the splinter wound. My fingertips were bloody when I checked my hand.

"What happened? Was it from the crash?"

"No." I hurriedly reassured him. "It's an old wound." I took a swig of water to change the subject.

But Jim wouldn't be deterred that easily. "Is it from the bowsprit?"

I looked at him sharply. "How did you know?" I covered my tracks, nobody could have known. I didn't tell anyone, that's for sure. _You're slipping, Alice._

"Morph was hinting at something the other day and I got the feeling it was between you and the bowsprit but I didn't see the connection. He kept saying you got impaled."

 _Morph!_ I cursed him mentally. "It's a splinter, that's all."

"That was three days ago. It doesn't take a doctor to know that is not a good sign if it's still bleeding. Get it checked out when we get back. That's an order."

I nodded and gave the canteen back. He set it down without drinking.

I finished my last bit of splicing in the next half hour. I had Jim double check my work and then screwed the grill back on. I plopped down on the bench behind him so I could see what he was doing. I'd say he was about halfway through his portion, from what I could see.

His jacket had slid down to the curved bottom of the sloop. His white shirt stuck to his back in the sweaty areas, making it very hard for me to stare at anything other than his muscular shoulders.

Eventually, I pulled my eyes away to check on the crew. Nerissa and Blamey sitting together, chatting about the good old days when they first enlisted. Jill was pacing between them and Emmerson who sat cross-legged, head in hands. He was rocking back and forth, moaning, an empty canteen laying next to him. He would look up to squint at the sun every five minutes or so and when he did, I noticed he didn't look good. He was dirty and sweat-streaked like the rest of us but he looked even paler than normal. The heat was getting to him.

Something crackled and Jim whipped his hand out of the motor. Sucking on his knuckle, l hear him grumble, "Blast it! It's pretty hard to rattle the stars when you're stuck on the ground, Silver! Blast it!" He shook out his hand again in frustration.

"Take a break, I can finish. And drink some water." I said shoving the canteen at him.

"No, I'm fine. Besides, your leg…"

"My leg is fine. I've lived with it this long. I know what I'm doing and you can check my work later. Plus, I think the crew could use a pep talk. The heat is getting to all of us." I kept the canteen in his face even when he tried to push it away.

He gave me a mock glare then finally accepted the water. "I'll be back in fifteen. Call me if you need anything."

I helped him up. "I will now go."

He retreated and I had the sloop to myself. I sighed and settled down to work. Parts of Jim's speech floated over the sloop sides but I couldn't see his face or the crew's reaction.

"How's it coming?"

I grabbed the radio. "Slowly, Mari. By my estimation, we should be able to launch in an hour, if everything goes well."

"That's good to hear. How are you guys doing with the heat down there?"

"Not great. We are all trying to keep drinking but the water is running low." I lowered my voice so no one else but the radio would hear. "Emmerson doesn't look too good, you might want to have M.E.R. ready when we get back."

"Will do. Keep us posted."

I hung the radio back up and pulled out one particularly damaged wire. I had to cut most of it out and replace it. A thought struck me. To have this much extensive damage, the whole sloop must have overheated from the terrible conditions down here. That would explain a lot.

A shout. Then a couple more. I didn't recognize the voice, I know it wasn't Jim. Other voices sounded, too. _What is going on?_

I set down my pliers and got up softly. I crept to the edge of the sloop and poked my head over just enough to see what was happening. I couldn't believe my eyes for a second but then ice cold fear ran down my back.

Emmerson had cracked. He was standing now, left hand still holding his head as he spun in slow circles. He was swaying dangerously but my eyes were fixed on his right hand. It was holding a loaded flintlock which he was waving around in the air.

He was pointing it at Jim.

 _Tell me your thoughts on the cliff-hanger! It's a bit new for me so feedback would be nice._


	9. Chapter Nine

_Sorry to leave you so long, and on a cliff-hanger no less. Unfortunately, this might just be this pace of my writing. I hope you enjoy._

Chapter Nine

"Shut up!" Emmerson growled. "I am so sick and tired of being told what to do by you, a punk kid! You're the reason we're in this mess. If you hadn't been stupid enough to push the engine so hard we might not be burning to death down here!" Emmerson screamed at the young captain. The same young captain that my very life depended on.

I was no longer hot. I was shivering from cold as fear assailed my brain. _Jim! If he gets shot, whether he survives or not, you might never be able to get this sloop off the ground. He'll die no matter what! Without him, you're dead. Whether you die down here in hell or you do make it back to the Nebula, Brent will find you out. She's too smart but your only saving grace is that right now it's not her place to investigate._

 _Enough about Brent, how am I going to keep him alive?_ I thought in desperation.

Emmerson was still yelling but I couldn't hear him anymore. The crew was on their feet, wary expressions on their faces. Blamey looked ready for action but Jim was standing a step ahead with his arms out, simultaneously holding the crew back and protecting them.

"Emmerson, stand down. You don't need to do this." Jim spoke softly but his eyes never the crazed spacer's face. "You haven't hurt anyone yet, let's keep it that way."

That sent the spacer into another tirade. _He's getting more volatile by the second._ _You have to act soon or we might all die, Alice._

My thumping heart was drowning out all other sounds as I started calculating. Emmerson was staggering around with his back in my direction. If I timed it right, I could leap from the sloop and tackle him. He might have his wits about him enough to fire, but I would have hopefully knocked him off course enough to prevent either Jim or me from getting shot.

He was coming closer. _You have to act now._

I kept my eyes just above the side of the sloop and started drawing my legs underneath me. The adrenaline was making my hands shake. Right foot up on the bench, left on the railing.

The insane spacer jerked suddenly and started moving forward again.

 _Now!_

Time slowed.

Jim's bright eyes shifted from Emmerson's face to mine. I had already jumped but as I did, my foot slid off the railing. That sound combined with the captain's glance my way caught Emmerson's attention. He spun to face me but it didn't matter because I could not stop from colliding with him at that point.

Everything was a blur as time resumed. I crashed heavily into Emmerson's chest and midriff and we both landed on the hard earth. A sharp snap. Was that the flintlock firing or one of our ribs breaking? I recovered from the impact faster than him. Every area of my body was screaming with this crazy energy, I instantly clamored onto his chest and grabbed his collar. Bringing his head up and my fist down, I drove my knuckles into his jaw as hard as I could. I enjoyed how his head snapped back from the blow. He was paying for risking my life. Another fist to the face. I was just pulling back for a third when a strong limb wrapped around my waist and another grabbed the back of my jacket. I was hoisted bodily off the bleeding spacer.

"Enough, lass! Enough. No need t' kill 'em!" Blamey growled as he dropped me on my feet.

Jill swooped in and wrested the flintlock from the half-conscious man as Jim straddled his chest to hold him down. Blamey shoved me back towards the sloop, saying something about getting the repairs done on the double.

I focused on my breathing mainly to gather my thoughts and to distract myself from the building pain. After another second I hauled myself up into the boat to fix the last of the wires. My hands were shaking so badly I shocked myself at least seven more times before I could function properly. Blood trickled down my forearms. I didn't remember scraping my elbows so deeply when we went down. They must have been underneath Emmerson and took most of the impact.

Done. I screwed the panel back on and fire up the engine. The gentle hum was music to my ears. "Jim! Jim, we're a go!"

He met my eyes with his steely ones. He was caught up in the moment. I didn't blame him for looking so harsh, I probably looked similar. "Alright! Everybody up. Blamey, you're on Emmerson. There is a rope on board if you need it."

He helped Blamey haul the traitor on board then gave the women a leg up before swinging on himself. I was immersed in the control panel but I felt the captain's gaze flick over me.

"Launching!"

The sloop shook even harder than before but we were off the ground for the first time in five hours and that was all that mattered to me at the moment. Our trajectory was off but I knew we didn't have a lot of time before something would fail again. We all knew that being stranded in space would be much worse than whatever hell-hole we were in before. The Nebula was in sight but nobody wanted to acknowledge it in fear of a jinx. Hence the deathly quiet.

"Open the hatch," I said into the microphone. Jim glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, eyebrow raised.

"Trust me," I said to Mari but I was looking straight at Jim. "Mariano, close the hatch when I say. Timing is everything."

"But…"

"Just do it!"

"Okay."

I wiped my hand on my pant leg to dry off the sweat and blood.

"What are you doing, Alice?" Jim didn't look my way and there was a hard edge to his voice.

"I've done this before. Just fly, and fly hard."

His head jerked and I took it as a nod.

Closer. Within seconds our mast would be entering the hatch. "Don't slow down!" I hollered. "Mariano, close the hatch!"

"You're not in yet!"

"Close it!" I turned to Jim. "Keep going!"

"Alice?!" Jim roared as he continued at full speed. The hatch doors were starting to close. Hesitation was written over his features.

 _Did you time this right?_

I moved into a crouch as we zoomed upward. One more second and we might not make it.

Then we were in and I dove onto the walkway holding one of the mooring ropes. And just in time. Before Jim could cut the engine, it stalled and the sloop lurched to the side, held only by the rope I had tied off. Jill scrambled up in a heartbeat and secured the prow.

The exhausted crew was quiet, blinking in the silence at one another in disbelief at what had just happened. Jim stretched a white hand over to the radio to reassure Brent and Mariano that we were safe.

"Everyone, to the stateroom now. Don't talk to any of the crew until the debriefing is over. Blamey, lock him in the brig and then join us. Go."

I listened to rustle of cloth and the clip of boots as the crew left. The sloop hadn't really been tied off securely. I couldn't leave yet. I saw Jim doing the same on the other side of the boat.

The adrenaline was wearing off and I started to notice the metallic taste in my mouth and the blood on my knuckles. Jim was walking towards me, probably to ask why I hadn't left yet. But instead, he took the rope from my shaking hands and finished the knot expertly. I watched in dumb silence.

He proffered me a hand and I took it. Once standing, I expected him to let go. He didn't. He squeezed my hand tighter and stepped closer. I would have turned away in embarrassment had it been any other time, but all of my energy, both mental and physical, was gone.

I watched his jaw working as he stared at my torn hand. He was angry. _What have you done this time?_ He tilted my wrist slightly to look at my elbow and then his eyes finally found my face. Or my lips.

His anger was replaced with guilt as he slowly reached up to cup my chin in his big hand. His thumb gently wiped away the streaming blood from my split lip. It must have happened when I connected with Emmerson.

"You shouldn't have," He stopped himself. "You didn't have to do that."

I gaped at him. _Did he mean saving their lives?_ "He had a _gun,_ Jim. He could have hurt someone. He could have hurt you." I meant to finish that last part in my head but that showed how mentally present I was.

His blue eyes softened again. The anger was gone. " _You_ could have gotten killed."

"I was just doing what anyone else would have done," I said softly. I was so tired.

"Except nobody else did. You are a hero. We owe you our lives. At least, I owe you mine."

His hand was still on my face. I smiled. "Thank you for trusting me. With the sloop."

He grinned. "Another thing we owe you. How did you know it would crash when it did?"

"Just a feeling. I've been through enough rough landings."

He laughed under his breath as if he thought a full laugh might startle me. "Are you feeling good enough to get through the debriefing? Or do you want to go to the sick bay now?"

I shook my head, dislodging his hand. "I'm fine. We should get this over with quickly. The crew will be wondering."

He nodded and we climbed out of the belly of the ship. Spacers stood in awkward clumps, all eyes trained on us. Their glares burned into my skin, I felt myself slow down as I tried to shrink into my jacket. _They hate you._ I gnawed on the inside of my cheek to tell myself to ignore them all.

But then Jim swooped in to save day again. By placing a hand on my back and issuing a few commands, he dispelled the crowds and most of my fear. I melted at his touch, staggering even more. His arm moved around my waist and he ducked under my left arm, letting me sag into him. He didn't give Brent the time to react to him carrying a very dirty and bloody Alice. He ushered her in the stateroom ahead of us.

After depositing me into the leather-backed chair, he radioed for Mariano to join us. While we were waiting for him to arrive, it gave me a chance to take in the sloop crew's expressions. Blamey had shifted into a very dark, stormy blue, displaying his anger more than any of the women. Jill stood stone-face with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Emmerson's gun was still tucked in her trousers. Nerissa was barely holding it together which surprised me greatly. She was fidgeting and kept messing with her hair. _Does she feel responsible somehow? Or is she just as betrayed as the rest of us? Emmerson was one of her friends._

Brent was taking the situation like I was, ever cool and collected even though I could see the hint of worry around her eyes as she looked at Jim. His jaw was working again as he frowned at the floor. I think his hand was still on the back of my chair.

Finally, Mariano slipped through the door and gave a quick salute.

Jim changed in a second. He was no longer pensive. He straightened his back and took up his commanding air.

"As all of you know, this mission did not go as planned. We experienced multiple issues with the engine and a mutiny." Everyone's faces darkened. "We were on the ground for approximately six hours in 103-degree heat. All of us suffered but we saw how it affects those of weak character. Emmerson verbally assaulted his captain and superior officer and came very close to firing his Navy issued flintlock at the crew. Thanks to Quartermaster Alice's quick thinking and bravery, we are standing here unharmed and well. Needless to say, we all owe her greatly. But she was not the only hero, all of you did well today given the situation. I am so proud of my crew, the ones that were on the ground and those onboard.

"Emmerson will be dealt with soon. If asked by the crew, you may repeat something along the lines of what I have just said. There is no need to go into detail as I will be making an announcement within the hour. Those who are injured may seek medical attention in the sick bay. You are all dismissed."

Mariano and Brent flew to Jim with questions and concerns while the other three slipped away. I was so drained that I did not possess the strength to get out of the chair. I was content to sit just overhearing their hushed conversation. I barely noticed Mariano leave.

"Promise me that you will tell me the next time things are going wrong." Brent was saying.

"You weren't there. You don't understand that there was no time. Alice was the only one close to the radio. Would you prefer that she had stopped to tell you what was going on and spoil the element of surprise before saving our lives?"

"It's protocol to stay in constant communication during an emergency."

"But there are times that protocol goes out the window because it doesn't serve any practical purpose. You can only learn so much from a book then the rest of being a good spacer is based on your gut."

"Your Gut? The protocol is put in place so that you never have to rely on a whim. Had you followed the protocol earlier, Emmerson may never have gotten to his breaking point. This is entirely your fault!" Brent cried. She must have forgotten I was in the cabin.

Jim's voice dropped dangerously low. I shivered at the sound. "You can blame me for my actions but don't you dare try to pin others on me. I wasn't the one who promoted Emmerson to Gunner and I also wasn't the one who saved us. Yes, I did select the crew and the boat and I did choose to push the engine that hard but I also repaired the sloop and kept the panic from spreading. I have nothing more to say."

A long silence. I could picture them glaring at each other behind my chair.

"Am I dismissed?"

"Yes." Footsteps and the door opens then shuts. A long sigh. "Are you still there?"

"Yes. Sorry."

"It's fine," he says as he walks around to face me. "Let's get you to the sickbay."

I nod. He helps me up and we stagger downstairs. I ease my sore body on the table while he fires up the bot.

"Scan her injuries and give me the report. Make sure you get her leg, too."

If I had the time, it might have felt nice to be remembered but the M.E.R. instantly started rattling orders. I moved each limb as directed and rated my pain on a scale somewhat inaccurately because there was no way in hell I would let the captain know how badly this hurt.

"Well?" I asked.

"You have sustained several injuries. A small laceration to the lower lip. A hairline fracture along your eighth rib. Deep abrasions to both of your elbows. Deep abrasions and contusions to your right hand along the knuckles. An infected puncture wound in the right thigh. None of these are life-threatening but should be treated right away." The bot turned its head toward Jim to await further instructions.

I winced as Jim frowned at me. "You said you were fine."

"Because I was. Am."

"I see. M.E.R., tell me, how dangerous would the infection in her leg be if left untreated?"

"Potentially fatal. The wound is very close to the main artery. If the infection were to reach the artery it would lead to the heart causing the infection to spread to the entire body."

"Thank you." Another glare in my direction. "Dress her wounds if she will permit it. Notify me if anything changes."

"Yes, sir." It beeped.

"Wait, where are you going?"

He sagged slightly. "I have to tell the crew the truth. And announce Emmerson's punishment."

"You'll do the right thing," I said softly.

A sad smile touched his face and then he was gone. I was left to be patched up by the bot. It gave me a sterile wipe to clean my lip while it got started on my elbows. I didn't know how bad they were until M.E.R. was smearing antibiotic cream in the deep cuts. Curses came pouring out of my mouth, I hoped that no one was close enough to hear.

The bell system crackled to life. "This is your captain speaking." I stopped swearing and held my breath, trying to hear Jim over the pain.

"Our reconnaissance mission today was met with some unexpected issues. There was an engine failure and we were stranded on the ground in unbearably hot conditions. After about six hours, we were close to finishing with the sloop repairs when we ran into another problem. Gunner Scott Emmerson let the heat and the frustration get to him. He began threatening the crew with his issued flintlock and blaming me for our dire situation. While I did have my part in our dilemma, he refused to be reasoned with and became more and more dangerous by the second. It is my firm belief that one of us would have been shot today if not for the quick thinking and bold actions of Quartermaster Alice Hayward who took it upon herself to save us. She nullified Emmerson and finished the repairs to sloop as well as charting our course to the Nebula with a precision that I have never seen before. Her bravery is to be modeled after."

I flushed at the compliment and was very grateful no one was in the room to see but the bot.

"As for Emmerson, mutiny cannot be tolerated whether people get hurt or not. This evening before mess, he will be stripped of his position and given twenty lashes by the whip in front of the entire crew. He will serve the Navy as a cabin boy for the remainder of the mission. Dismissed."

I shivered. He sounded like a different person underneath his formal language. _Jim Hawkins is a paradox,_ I thought. _But if he is, then you are too since everything they know about you is a lie._

 _Not all of it,_ I protest.

 _But enough of it so they don't really know you._

I shook my head. M.E.R. had gotten a lot done during the speech. It had just finished with the splinter wound and was starting on my knuckles. That was over soon and he let me go with a warning about my rib because it could do nothing on the outside to help it heal. It tried to push some pain killing herbs on me but I refused and left in a hurry. I had spent enough time in the infirmary to last a lifetime.

I stood in the hall conflicted as to where to go. I wanted to tell Jim how well he did but I also felt disgusting. I settled on washing whatever part of me that wasn't bandaged. The tub was still draining as I pulled out a new outfit. I put on my last pair of clean pants and a loose dark green shirt since I was off duty. The billowy sleeves felt nice on my beat up arms.

I inspected the clothes I had just taken off. There was a sizable tear where the sleeve met the jacket, I must have ripped it while throwing those punches. Everything was either blood-soaked or had holes running through it. I dropped the clothes near the door to be taken to the laundry later for repairs and slipped out to find Jim.

Everything that was happening on the deck stopped when the crew saw me. There were too many eyes to read. I panicked. _You beat up one of their own. Emmerson was popular, you're just the girl they picked up along the way. Get out of here._

I turned and trotted up the stairs to the bridge, trying to make it seem like I was not running away. "Jim?" I gasped out to Brent. She dipped her head toward the stateroom. I covered the rest of the distance in two seconds and sagged against the door after shutting it behind me.

Jim barely stirred then his eyes flickered and he saw it was me. He pulled himself out of his slumped position and propped his elbows on his knees. His chin rested on his tight fists and his jaw was working but it didn't seem like it was anger he was holding back. It was something else, something I had never seen in him before. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"It seems like I should be asking you that."

He avoids meeting my eyes. "I've never had to do this, you know, punish one of my own. Sure, I feel betrayed but I'm responsible." His voice broke. "This is all my fault."

My stomach dropped. Panic and fear started creeping in again. I had shut off my emotions long ago. How was I supposed to respond? Could I even respond? I focused on being Slave Alice. Her heart would melt seeing his self-inflicted guilt because she carries so much of her own.

"No, don't say that," I begged. I moved over to him and sank to his level, taking his hands in mine. "Emmerson made his choice and it was the wrong one. You are only doing what is right."

 _That was weak, Alice. Do better._

He lifted his head and the brimming tears surprised me. I felt my own tears coming to the surface as we looked at each other. "You have lead this crew with such strength and wisdom so far, don't think that you have failed."

He bit his lip. Pushing the chair back, he walked away, leaving me on the ground. I knew he was scrubbing at his eyes even though he had his back turned. "Look at us, you've been through so much and you're the one calming me."

 _At least it's working._

He turned swinging an arm at me, anger coming back into his voice. "He hurt you! And it's all my fault. I should have been the one to stop him, to save the crew, to be the captain, but… but I failed. Again and again and again. Always failure." He groaned and leaned heavily into the bookcase.

 _Telling him it's not his fault is not going to work. He's too stubborn. What else can you do?_ Then I remembered what he did for me ages ago when I was upset.

He started as I slipped my arms under his and circled around his chest. Mainly so I didn't have to look at him, I pressed my head against his shoulder. I could hear his heart racing and the suppressed sobs. He shuddered and then I felt the comforting weight of his head on mine and his arms around me. I let him cry quietly into my hair. Eventually, he stopped shaking and his breathing stilled as well.

I didn't know who was going to pull away first so I stayed where I was and would have if his arm hadn't shifted and bumped my fractured rib. I stifled a yelp and instinctively jerked away for him. Distress and pain were instantly back on his features again. _Nice, Alice. He was finally at peace and you blew it._

"I'm fine, don't worry. It's not your fault." He avidly avoided my eyes.

"Look," I said, grabbing his shoulders. "It breaks my heart to see you to see you blaming yourself for what others have said and done. Please, love yourself as much as I do."

 _Where the hell did that come from, Alice? What does that even mean? Love yourself as much as you love him or as much as you love yourself? What happened to being careful about what comes out of your mouth?_

He blinked, surprise evident. My face felt like it was on fire I was blushing so hard. Color touched his cheeks, I now knew which way he had taken that last sentence. An awkward laugh escaped my mouth as I was rapidly thinking about how I was supposed to move forward when he stooped and pressed his lips against mine.

His fingertips brushed just under my jaw while his other arm slipped around my waist, pulling me closer. All conscious thoughts along with my flight or fight instincts were slowly being drowned out. Everything but Jim was blurring in the background. Alarm bells were clanging somewhere but I didn't care anymore.

Then it was over as suddenly as it started. We blinked at each other, slowly taking in what had just happened. "Look, I'm sorry…"

"Don't…"

"I shouldn't have…"

"It's fine…"

"I just…"

"Me, too…"

"I…"

"I know."

We both chuckled at our choppy conversation. We stumbled backward away from each other, both of us ignoring the fact the Jim just ran into the bookcase.

My eyes ran around the room, looking for anything to distract me. It didn't take me long. "Jim, look at the time!"

It was twenty before the mess. "Hellfire! Stay here until I get you." And he was gone. I sank into the highbacked chair and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

It was well past the normal starting time for mess. I could hear the loud conversation of the gathering crew. I could occasionally pick out a quartermaster here or there telling the crew what to do. Finally, the door creaked open and Jim nodded. I uncurled and walked to the door. The flood of faces was overwhelming. My breath caught in my throat. Jim noticed and held out a hand. I gingerly placed my bandaged hand in his and stepped out.

Brent and all the quartermasters were already lined up along the railing, the rest of the crew below in a circle around the main mast. Jim and I joined the others in the center, in front of the ship's wheel. Jim was talking but I couldn't hear him, I was trying not to look at anyone. Adri patted me on the back.

The crew shifted on the deck and out came Emmerson being lead by three crew members. Chains dragged from his feet and his wrists were bound too. He was brought in front of the mast, facing us. The captain nodded and the men ripped off Emmerson's Gunner patch as well as every other position he had that was higher than a cabin boy. Then his jacket and shirt were stripped off of him. The whole time he held his angry, defiant stare aimed at Jim. The men turned him around roughly and a rope was tied to his hands and thrown over a spar and pulled tight so he was forced to stand on his toes against the mast.

Then the whip came out and was given to one of the three men. The lashes began. I trembled with each blow. I had seen several whippings before and been whipped more than once, that wasn't what scared me. Whippings are the standard punishment on ships and the number of lashes is simply adjusted to the crime. What scared me was that the victim's shirt was taken from them every time. If that happened to me, I would not just be whipped, I would be killed when they saw who I was.

A pirate.


	10. Chapter Ten

_Wow, it's been a hot minute. This chapter took forever to write but here it is. Enjoy!_

Chapter Ten

I rushed away from the railing just as Emmerson was being dragged away, ignoring the concerned looks that Jim and Adri shot my way. I practically fled to the aft end of the Nebula and looked frantically for somewhere to hide. No shrouds, no crows nest, no piles of rope to hide behind. I groaned and slumped over the railing.

Of course, I had forgotten about the hammock-like net below this end of the ship. It was normally used as extra storage for barrels or crates but it hung empty now. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I swung over the rail and dropped down into the rough netting. I landed hard on my knees and my hands, nearly spraining both of my wrists. I was thankful for the painful distraction. I curled up into a ball and flopped onto my side, cold from the air swirling around and the fear growing inside me.

I needed to calm down. _You can't fly into a panic like that in front of the others. You might be able to get away with it today because of everything that has happened but be more careful!_ I sucked in more of the crisp air and sat up rubbing my wrists. _Breathe._

I took a shaky breath and stood, swaying slightly as the net shifted. I set my jaw and jumped. My hands caught the edge of the deck and I pulled myself up.

Smoothing my hair back with shaking hands, I started walking towards the mess hall. My legs felt like purp mash. I could still Emmerson's face, the hatred in his eyes as he stared at Jim. I tried to swallow. I couldn't.

I stood outside side of the mess hall entrance, messing with the bandage on my hand. I had no idea what waited for me down there. Hate. Adoration. Boredom. All I knew was that I didn't want to find out. I finally made my feet move forward and I forced my lungs to work. One stair. Two. The noises were getting louder, I couldn't make out any words but the tone was heavy with dissent. A few more stairs. They must be able to see my legs now. Almost there.

I reached the floor.

Then the noises stopped. I did too. The crew could see my face now and I could see their expressions. They were fearful, but the malice hid the fear pretty well. I wished I could quiet my breathing but the shuddering breaths were painfully loud. My head was spinning, my aching body stopped my mind from focusing. I couldn't seem to recognize a single face glowering back at me, the pain was too much. Breathing was really hard now. _Why didn't you take those painkillers?_

I grabbed at my side with one hand as I fumbled for the wall behind me with the other. As I was backing away, it felt like the mob of faces was closing in on me. The grumbling was starting again and rising with alarming speed.

My heel hit the bottom stair and I fell heavily. My vision was going dark around the edges. _This is it, Alice. Death by a mob._ Accepting my fate, I prepared myself, determined not to go down without a fight. I stuck my chin out and set my jaw when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and curl into a ball.

"Stop!"

I could hear someone fighting their way through the crowd. The crew shrank back, their fighting spirit quickly dying away. "Get back, the lot of you!"

 _Someone is helping you. Someone cares._

That thought was too much. Knowing that I was relatively safe, I stopped fighting for consciousness and let the darkness take me.

The stairs were digging into my fractured rib. I would have screamed from the pain but it felt like I was underwater, like it always does when coming back to consciousness. Voices were shouting above me, but they were all garbled and strange sounding. I thought I could almost recognize the speakers but it was so hard to think.

Someone touched my shoulder, I flinched away suddenly. The movement stirred my foggy head into wakefulness. I stifled a groan as I jerked my eyes open. Mariano was leaning over me, obviously concerned but had no idea how to help. Peering past his perfect features, I saw Jim standing alone between me and the crew while Adri and Blamey were attempting to hold them back. I noticed Brent and Owen standing neutrally in the sidelines when I started picking up on the source of the argument.

Big surprise, it was me.

"But it was _her_ fault! Wasn't she in charge of the engine?"

"Yeah, if she had been more experienced, none of you would have been trapped down there and Emmerson wouldn't have lost his cool!"

"She attacked one of our own! She's a traitor! We should've never saved her carcass from that wreck!"

"Enough!" Jim bellowed, everyone shrinking away from the ferocity in his voice. "I don't owe any of you more of an explanation more than what I've already given. You are _my_ crew. It's high time you act like it. I punished the right spacer and honored the right one as well. If anyone would like to second guess my judgment, let them be the second one flogged on this mission!"

He rose to his full height, daring someone to step forward. Luckily, the crew had enough wisdom not to try him. They all avoided his glare and shuffled back.

"I thought so. Mess is over. Resume your duties."

I shrank against the wall as the spacers poured out of the mess hall. Mariano and Jim automatically formed a protective wall around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head on the smooth planking and noticed the painful bump on the back of my skull. I must have hit my head pretty hard when I passed out.

The last spacer tramped out and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Up to this point, Jim had not looked at me once but now he did. I noticed that it took him a second find himself again. He still had that wild, dangerous look in his eyes but he caught himself and then the fury was gone.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he dropped to a crouch next to me. Those soft, caring blue eyes were back. "Did they hurt you?"

I looked away. "No one touched me."

"That's not answering my question."

 _Smart boy._ "No, no one hurt me. I just…" I trailed off.

I could see Jim trying to judge if he should press on. He took his eyes off me and jerked his head towards the quartermasters, telling them to give us space. He sat on the step below me and lowered his voice, making himself less threatening just like in the sick bay so long ago. "Just what?"

I grimaced and I didn't have to try too hard to think like Slave Alice. What came out was mostly true and I hated it. "I just… I just got scared, okay? No one hurt me, but they didn't have to. The effect is the same." I flushed and focused on digging my fingernail into the wooden step beneath me.

"Hey, hey," he said, taking my hand and folding it in both of his big hands. "Look at me, I'm never going to let that happen again. Ever."

"Yeah? You can't always be the hero. You can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try." I said bitterly.

"No, but I can save you. And I will, every-time. I promise."

"You can't just promise something like that, Jim!" I cried. "Because people will always fail you. That's just their nature. I have had too many people give me false promises that they never keep. Please, don't be the same." I pulled my hand out of his to wipe away an unexpected tear.

There was a long pause.

"C'mon, let's get you some food."

He nodded at Mariano who sprang into action grabbing a tray and heading towards the galley. Jim offered his hand but when I tried to take it, he pulled me forward and ducked underneath my arm. I felt him carefully place his warm hand below my injured rib. He helped me onto the bench and then stepped away as Blamey and Adri swooped in to check on me.

I answered their questions without much thought, my eyes fixed on Jim brooding at the end of the table. I had never seen him drink before but he was working on a whole pint of strong ale. I saw Adri notice his behavior as well, but she would never say anything to him. Mariano set a steaming plate in front of me and after giving me a gentle pat on the back, hurried off to the control cabin. I picked at my food more out of obligation than hunger. My appetite left as soon as I saw the mob. Blamey's dark comments about the state of the crew in the background only made my stomach drop more.

Jim finished his ale and got up to refill his tankard. The movement seemed to stir the others into motion, too. Adri gave me one last cautious hug and slipped away with Blamey on her tail.

Now, the only sound was the drizzle of ale filling Jim's tankard.

"Why?" I stated more than asked.

"Why what?" His back still turned.

"Why the drinking, the promises? It's not like you."

"Yeah?" Came the mirthless laugh. "Well, it's not like my crew to form a mutiny twice in one day."

 _My stars, has it only been one day? Stranded, hurt, healed, kissed, attacked, saved, what a day it has been._

I shoved my food away from me, the smell of it nauseated me. Jim frowned darkly at the action as he sat across the table from me. "You need to eat."

"You need to take care of yourself," I replied coolly.

"Practice what you preach."

We sat in silence for a long time, processing the insane events of the day. I felt like all my thoughts were running away from me, I couldn't hold on to a single one.

"I should probably get some sleep," I muttered as I started to swing my legs of the bench.

"Hold on," he said before finishing off his ale is one swig. He stood up and took the tray of food and his tankard and left them in the galley and came back for me. He offered his hand which I took with both of mine.

We trudged up the stairs, my vision was being crowded out with tiny stars of pain. Jim waited for me at the top of the stairs to catch my breath. It took almost a full minute, enough time for the crew to take notice of us.

"Let's get out of here." He muttered as he guided me towards the cabins. I let Jim do most of the work while I tried not to pass out.

Suddenly, I heard movement behind us and saw shadows darting around the edges of my vision. "Jim!" I whispered. I clutched frantically at his arm, fear attacking every part of me. _Just stay away, all of you!_

Jim's grip moved up my arm until his hands rested on my shoulders, hurrying me ahead of him towards the cabins. Even though we were practically running, it seemed like we were still so far away from safety. I was still having trouble breathing and trying to see through the dark mass swirling in my vision. That's probably why I didn't see the rope lying on the deck. I crashed hard onto the planking with Jim on top of me. As Jim stood up he slipped his arm around my waist and hauled me up with him. He dragged me the last bit to the corridor before dropping me so he could shut the door. I lost my balance and hit the floor again. Jim had shut the door just in time, angry fists slammed against the wood. Jim didn't stop. He picked me up and carried me down the corridor, past my room, and deposited me in his cabin before stepping back out into the hall. The door swung shut behind him and I heard the key in the lock.

I don't know how long I stood there before I realized I couldn't feel my legs. I felt so tired, I need to lay down. Looking around, I saw Jim's bunk to my right. I took one step toward forward and hit the thick rug with a dull thump, completely unconscious.

I woke up noticing that I was very warm and comfortable despite my entire body being in pain. The second thing I noticed was that I was on the softest mattress I had ever slept on in my life. I felt like I was floating, only weighed down by the fluffy and strangely heavy blankets. I felt so safe and warm, I let a contented sigh leave my torn body.

Then I remembered where I was. I was locked in the captain's private cabin. Didn't you pass out on the floor, Alice? How are you in his bunk? I panicked. My entire body screamed in protest as I frantically kicked off the blankets and struggled to climb out of the cloud that was Jim's bunk. My ankle got tangled in the sheets and I spilled out onto the floor. I grunted in pain as I hit the floor, elbows stinging and side aching.

I was just standing up when I heard the key in the lock. I ran to the farthest corner and looked for something to defend myself. I had absolutely no idea who was coming for me. There was nothing around to help me so I grabbed the wooden stool and held it above my shoulder, ready to belt whoever came in. I held my breath as I watched the knob turn.

The door swung open and Jim darted in and shut it behind him. It took me a full second to realize who it was and lower the stool. But as I did, I felt my legs giving out. I fell against the wall and slid to the floor with the stool still in my hands.

"Hey, hey, are you okay?" Jim asked with concern in his eyes. He knelt beside me and tried to pull the stool off of me.

"No, I am not okay," I whispered fiercely, keeping the stool between us. "How in the name of hellfire did I end up in your bunk?"

I think he must have seen the panic in my eyes because he let go of the stool and put some distance between us. With a pause and deep breath, he answered, "I heard you hit the floor but I waited until I was sure the corridor was safe. Then I walked in, with Adri behind me, and we tucked you in my bunk. I also had M.E.R. take a look at you. You should get some rest."'

I sat quietly, not wanting to see his face. He backed up to the door and turned the knob. "Wait, what did the bot say?"

"That you are exhausted and the panic forced your body to shut down and you suffered a mild concussion from hitting your head on the stairs. You need to rest. I think this is the safest place for that but if you want to leave, you may."

I stilled. "No, it's fine. I'll stay. Just knock next time, if you can."

"Will do. Call if you need anything." And he was gone.

I picked myself off the floor and sat down on the edge of the bunk. I gingerly looked at my elbows, they were starting to bleed through the heavy bandages. I sighed and crawled under the cloud blankets again.

I was warm and drowsy but my mind was too troubled to sleep. Jim. He was tearing me apart. Half of me wanting to trust him and let him care about me but the more sensible half of me knew I could trust no one. It had been so long since anyone wanted to care about me, I don't know how to respond. If I was not actively trying to keep up this long lie to stay alive, I think Jim would have stolen my heart a long time ago. But my heart has been broken and abandoned too many times before to be swept away.

 _Let him be your friend but watch yourself. Don't open up, no matter how much he does. Let him care, don't care for him more than necessary to stick around. Let him protect you, you need it but don't stick your neck out too far for his sake. You got this._

Satisfied with my pep talk and my plan for treating Jim, i put everything else out of my mind. Taking a few deep breaths and closing my eyes, I started to fall asleep.

 _He's a tool, nothing more. You're great with tools._


End file.
